


Bright Eyes

by perfectdagger (sincerelyste)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Living Together, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Not so strangers because they live together, Pining, Strangers to Lovers, nightclubbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 18:48:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12216771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyste/pseuds/perfectdagger
Summary: Amongst the many things Louis hated at the moment, there was one thing that somehow still brought a little bit of hope into his days. Even if it was to come back home just to see Harry’s face, Harry’s bright green eyes, that alone made everything better somehow.That night, seeing Harry smiling at him, it made his life a hundred times better than it had been for all those months he had already been there.“What the fuck are you doing, Tomlinson?” Louis spoke to himself, closing his eyes at the sensation of the cold breeze. “You can’t let yourself fall for him, you just can’t. You don’t even know him. You aren’t even friends with him, fuck,” he shook his head, now looking up at the sky, trying to make out the moon amid the heavy clouds. “You can’t, otherwise you’ll never leave this place.”





	Bright Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was slightly inspired by a Brazilian short story called "Uns Braços" by Machado de Assis ([here's the link](http://www.biblio.com.br/defaultz.asp?link=http://www.biblio.com.br/conteudo/MachadodeAssis/unsbracos.htm) in portuguese if anybody wants to read it)
> 
> I don't even know how to explain how this story turned out the way it is now. This has been a roller coaster of feelings, caused me a lot of stress, but the final result hasn't made me want to delete it all, so kudos to the awesome people pushing me to keep doing it: Syn for kicking and assuring my self-doubting ass as always, Genny's encouragement, Sammie's patience and awesome work as my beta and also Alexa for giving it a last look!
> 
> A big thanks to Lauren for the [fic post](http://perfectdagger.tumblr.com/post/165873401578/bright-eyes-amongst-the-many-things-louis-hated-at) moodboard too!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it! xx

Louis was already tired of listening to Andrew’s complaints.

He sat at the dinner table, staring his food and not even sparing a glance up. Looking at the man who seemed to despise him would only remind him of the reasons he hated that place.

“You keep making yourself a lazy sod, Tomlinson,” Andrew sneered. “I’m tired of having to explain everything to you everyday at the office. When will you learn? When will you stop being a knob? If only I had known what I was getting myself into when I took you in... thought I was doing you some good, you know, following your mother’s wish to help you with a job and a place to stay…” The man shook his head, drinking from his juice to help swallow his food before he resumed talking. “She was a good woman, helped me so much with the office over the years. I thought she had taught her son bet–”

“Dad!”

Louis finally looked up to face the boy in front of him.

That was new.

Harry never spoke over his father. The boy barely talked to him during dinner, mostly one-word sentences to Andrew’s questions about his day or the football practice or something else. Moreover, Harry had never said anything about his father’s constant comments about Louis’ incapacity to do a proper job.

“What, Harry?” Andrew’s voice was stern. “He has a commitment with me. I promised his mother I would watch out for him and help him, and told him I would do it but only if he delivered. All I see is laziness and him doing one sloppy job after another. I’m having more headaches trying to fix the wrong things he does than I had when I was still on my own.”

Louis inhaled sharply, holding back a reply.

He knew he should be doing better. He knew he shouldn’t take for granted what his mother had asked of him to do. He should be grateful that Andrew Styles valued his mother’s work for him for so many years before she passed away that the man was kind enough to give Louis a home and a job, so Louis wouldn’t have to struggle to make ends meet in London with the money his mother had left for him to pay for Uni while sending the rest to his grandmother to take care of his younger sisters.

There wasn’t anywhere else or anyone else for him to go to. He either would have to go back to his grandma’s house in Doncaster and leave his dream of being a musician behind, or he accepted Andrew’s offer and fulfilled his mother’s wish. It pained him to have to be away from his siblings, but if he intended to also help them have a good and safe future – something his mother had always worked hard for since their father had also passed away years before, he would have to take it and work for Andrew in his accounting office, taking over his mother’s place.

The problem was: he was shit at doing it and it was boring as fuck. He had never been the brightest kid at school, not at math anyways. And everything about that job required him to spend his days in front of the computer, counting, recounting, keeping records of accounts, keeping record of piles and piles of files, seeing people’s money go from one place to another… and that was definitely not what he imagined he would be doing at almost 20.

Ideally, he wanted to be pursuing his music career at this age but because of his work with Andrew, he couldn’t join the activities offered by the university, couldn’t look for an internship or anything else in his area. He was stuck with Andrew until he had enough money to live on his own and to help his family, but doing it was a living hell for him. He hated every minute of it. Despite everything, he was trying his best; it seemed it was not enough.

He tried to ignore Andrew’s constant comments about anything he did, because there wasn’t anything he could do to stop them. He couldn’t argue with the man. After all, he was providing Louis with what he needed. He had to bite his tongue every time he was flooded with insults because if he didn’t, he was almost sure Andrew would kick him out and fire him. Having no money and nowhere to live was worse than what he had now. So he endured.

“This should be an example for you, Harry,” Andrew continued. “When you start working for me, that’s exactly how you’re _not_ supposed to be. I’m gonna push you to work hard because after all, you’ll be the one to take care of the firm when I’m not able to anymore. Being lazy doesn’t help anyone get anywhere,” he talked looking directly at Harry, but by the end of his speech, he glanced over to Louis, irritated.

Louis ignored it and instead turned his attention to Harry.

He was a couple of years younger than Louis. He was still in school and looked like any 17, almost 18 year old boy.

He was too quiet though. Since Louis moved in, six months ago, he had never seen Harry bring any friends home. All Louis knew about Harry was that he spent too much time in his bedroom, he practiced football everyday after school, and on the weekends he accompanied his father to the club for his weekly match with his mates or would stay at home in his bedroom again (or someplace else Louis never really figured out). Aside from that, Harry was a mystery to Louis.

They had never really talked, nothing more than pleasantries and good mornings or good nights. Louis didn’t know how to approach him, didn’t know what to talk about with him. Harry intrigued Louis and Louis wanted more than anything to find out more about him. He just didn’t know how to go about it or if he would ever have the chance, really.

“That’s enough, Dad, seriously,” Harry spoke again, to Louis’ surprise, eyeing Louis quickly before he turned his attention back to his food.

Harry had never seemed to care about what his dad said to Louis, had never seemed to care about Louis in any way. It was really unexpected for Harry to take Louis’ side all of a sudden. Even Andrew seemed surprised to hear Harry speaking again, only looking from his son to Louis, brows creased, without saying another word before he continued eating.

The dining room was silent after that, the clinking of the cutlery was the only sound until everyone finished their meals. Nobody spoke or looked at each other the rest of the dinner, but Louis couldn’t help himself and would steal a look at Harry every now and then, as discreetly as he could, trying to find something in Harry’s downcast green eyes, something to soothe him, something to make him forget the awful words Andrew had said about him. Something that showed that Harry cared about him. It usually helped.

He knew it wasn’t right to look at Harry in that way, but somehow he couldn’t contain himself. Harry was younger than him, that was true, but not that much and not that it actually mattered, but he was also Andrew’s son. Louis tried to avoid feeling anything for Harry but from the moment he stepped inside the Styles’ house, he was captivated by the boy – his green eyes were the softest and most beautiful he had ever seen.

Over the last few months,, Louis found himself admiring Harry’s beauty more and more, and even his shy personality turned into something endearing to him. On the rare occasions the boy seemed to be a little more open, every small laugh, every rare joke he attempted every time he spoke about something other than football with his father, every time his eyes shone, Louis could feel himself being more drawn to Harry and more drawn to getting to know him. It was ridiculous to want that, knowing the circumstances that he was in under Andrew’s roof.

He needed to get a grip because even though that night had been the first time Harry had showed any compassion for Louis, he knew it was impossible for something to happen between the two of them.

Not much longer passed after they all finished dinner and they were eating their dessert. Andrew had moved to the living room to watch the news with a cup of tea after leaving Louis and Harry at the table with their pudding.

Both boys still ate in silence. Louis took his time, not only to finish his bowl but also to have a few more minutes to be able to look at Harry.

(He knew he needed to get a grip, but, as long as Harry didn’t notice his prolonged stares at him, there was no harm, right? Louis was careful, had always been and so far, it seemed Harry was oblivious to it, so yeah. Pining over Harry was easier if Louis could at least have that for himself)

“I’m going to bed,” Andrew announced, turning off the telly and walked by close to the boys again, “you two better not take long to head to your bedrooms either. It’s school night, Harry and Louis…” he turned, looking directly to Louis, “I hope I don’t have to kick you out of your bed again tomorrow,” he rolled his eyes dismissively and started walking away. “Don’t forget to wash the dishes, Harry. Goodnight!”

Louis watched the man walk upstairs and let out a heavy breath.

 _What a fucking prick,_ Louis thought.

He didn’t understand how his mother had put up with the man for so long. Maybe for the same reasons he was doing it now.

He also didn’t understand how Harry was able to deal with a father like that.

The boy was polite (or submissive) enough to face his dad, it seemed. Well, until today, Louis supposed. He was still trying to fathom where Harry defending him and telling his own father off had come from.

It took a beat after Louis heard Andrew’s bedroom door closing for him to look at Harry and see the boy lazily picking at the rest of his pudding.

“Ahm,” Louis cleared his throat, trying to control the nervousness in his voice, “thank you, er, for earlier, Harry.”

Harry slowly looked up at Louis, but his eyes had a bewildered expression.

“It...,” Harry bit his lips nervously, “it was nothing,” he shook his head, looking away from Louis. “I mean, he shouldn’t talk to you like that, he shouldn’t talk about your mother like that.”

“Yeah, thanks, I appreciate you shutting him up,” Louis poked at his pudding with his spoon. “You didn’t really have to. I mean, I want to say some things, but your father is my boss and I really don’t want to rile him up. So, just because I never say anything, you don’t have to either. But thanks anyway.” Louis tried to sound coherent, tried not to rush his own words and make a fool of himself because he and Harry were actually having a conversation.

When Harry focused on Louis again with those green eyes that had Louis hypnotised from time to time, they looked sadder than they normally did.

“Yeah, but actually I do,” Harry gulped. “My father doesn’t know how to measure his words. He says the stupidest and rudest things all the time. He should be more compassionate. He knows what it’s like for a son to lose a mother,” he shrugged slightly, “he shouldn’t say that stuff to you. It’s not right.”

Louis held his breath for a moment.

Amongst everything that had happened to him, and his mind being anywhere but inside that house or his job because all he wanted was an out from there, he’d almost forgotten that Harry had lost his mother too, a few years before.

“All he cares about is his work and people working for him and doing things correctly and making him money. He doesn’t care about how others feel. I’m sorry he’s directing his insensitive comments towards you, you shouldn’t have to listen to it. I’ve suffered with them for awhile and now he’s directing them at you when you’re trying to do the best you can,” Harry continued, a sympathetic look on his face

“I’m sorry,” Louis said, “I didn’t know he was like that with you too…” He didn’t know how to express what he wanted to say to Harry, but he received a small smile in return. “You are his son, for fuck’s sake, why does he act like that? You shouldn’t put up with it either.”

Harry shrugged once again. “I have my ways of dealing with it. I’ve gotten used to how he is and learned how to ignore it. But with you, that’s not right at all. I understand why you don’t say anything, but don’t let him trash you like that. Once he’s called out, he realises he’s being an arsehole.”

Louis let out a small chuckle from hearing Harry address his own father like that, which was true. Harry chuckled in return, opening a bigger smile at Louis.

It shouldn’t make his insides twist that way.

“Right,” Louis said after a moment. “Yeah, you’re right. I was actually surprised he didn’t yell at you because of what you said.”

“As I said, I have my ways around the old man,” Harry ate the last bite of his pudding and started to get up from his seat. “Anyway, I guess I should start doing the dishes. You finished?” He gestured to Louis’ small bowl.

Louis quickly ate the rest of his pudding in one spoonful and then nodded at Harry, who looked funnily at him, scrunching up his nose. “Yeah,” he replied after gulping, “you want help?”

Harry giggled, his eyes shining a bit. “Uhm, no no, it’s good. You go to bed. Better sleep early so you don’t take forever to wake up before dad comes banging on your door.” He took Louis’ bowl and then turned to go to the kitchen, not giving Louis time to process what he had said.

Louis never thought Harry paid any attention to anything he did. Well, obviously Andrew making a scene almost every morning because Louis would make them late for work wasn’t something one could dismiss, but still. Louis smiled at himself and left the dining room.

He walked closer to the kitchen door before heading to the stairs in the direction of the spare room they had turned into a bedroom for him.

“Good night, Harry,” he voiced, hesitantly.

Harry almost snapped his neck trying to look back at Louis, staring blatantly at him for a second before his face broke into a warm smile. “Good night, Louis,” he replied and Louis saw him biting the corner of his bottom lip before he turned back to his task.

Louis ducked his face trying to contain a smile on his own face and went up the stairs.

That had been the first time in months since they had directed any words only to each other other than hello. That had been probably the first time ever he had seen Harry smile in his direction.

Louis breathed deeply as he closed the door behind himself and walked to the window on the opposite side of the room.

He opened it, letting the chilly autumn air from London hit him. He observed the street below him, the cars and a few people passing by and the faint noise from the rest of the city’s buzz in the background far away from him.

There were so many things he hated about that place.

Once upon a time he had loved London with all his heart, hated whenever he had to go back to Doncaster with his mum to visit the family. Told himself that he would never leave London, he would build his life there.

Now though, he couldn’t wait for when he had some weekend free to get away from there and visit his nan and sisters up north – so he could forget the miserable life he lived stuck inside the Styles’ house, so he could forget that he had barely enough money to keep paying for his studies; which he didn’t know he was that eager to continue, seeing that there wasn’t any opportunities for him if he kept living the way he did.

Louis hated how he was living. He hated his monotonous life: work at Andrew’s office, classes at Uni, coming back to the house and repeat that all over again until one weekend he could steal some time for himself and get away, be it to Doncaster or to crash at one of his mate’s after going clubbing. That used to help him relax from his boring routine, but even that he had started to hate because all he wanted to do was to forget his worries, forget that he was getting attached to a pair of green eyes and curly hair he couldn’t have, that he didn’t even know, trying to hook up with whoever was willing to give him something.

Amongst the many things Louis hated at the moment, there was one thing that somehow still brought a little bit of hope into his days. Even if it was to come back home just to see Harry’s face, Harry’s bright green eyes, that alone made everything better somehow.

That night, seeing Harry smiling at him, it made his life a hundred times better than it had been for all those months he had already been there.

“What the fuck are you doing, Tomlinson?” Louis spoke to himself, closing his eyes at the sensation of the cold breeze. “You can’t let yourself fall for him, you just can’t. You don’t even know him. You aren’t even friends with him, fuck,” he shook his head, now looking up at the sky, trying to make out the moon amid the heavy clouds. “You can’t, otherwise you’ll never leave this place.”

He inhaled deeply once again, shaking himself from those thoughts. He closed the window and stripped out of his clothes, changing into his pj’s bottoms and sleeping tee before heading outside to go to the bathroom before finally getting into bed.

The moment he stuck his head out in the hallway, he heard the bang of another door closing not far from his. He looked at the other end of the hallway to see Harry’s door completely shut. When he had come up, he was pretty sure it had been open.

Louis tried not wonder if Harry had just entered his room. He tried not to think about the many times Harry had excused himself earlier after dinner only to lock himself in his room. Louis tried not to think about the many times he had lingered by the boy’s door when he would go to his own room, wondering what it was like to be Harry, to seem to be so lonely and distant from anything, wondering how much he and Harry were alike.

That Thursday night he didn’t need to dwell on that because that night he could go to bed thinking that maybe there was more to Harry than just that. Maybe there was a Harry who could keep smiling like the way he did at Louis and maybe there was a Louis who could feel happier if that smile was directed at him, always.

 

*

 

Friday arrived the same as always and Louis couldn’t feel any better about it. His mate Steve had promised him a free VIP entrance at a new nightclub he was djing at on Saturday, so there was only one more sleep until he could fuck off the next day to Steve’s flat and only come back Sunday night and not have to hear any of Andrew’s complaining.

Which, weirdly enough, was something he hadn’t done all day long – well, it wasn’t that he hadn’t complained at all, but he hadn’t the way he usually did, especially during dinner.

Andrew, Harry, and Louis were at the table again that night; the only difference, it seemed to be quieter than the previous one.

Louis was trying his best to keep himself from looking at Harry this time. It had been torturous enough for him to keep thinking about him all day, when he couldn’t brush off Harry’s smile from his mind. Now, he was only hoping Harry would open it at him again one last time before he headed to bed.

But he had to keep his feelings at a bay. If he wasn’t discreet enough, sooner or later Harry or even Andrew would notice something and he would be fucked.

After eating in complete silence for a few minutes, Andrew was the first one to get up from the table. The boys had already finished and the older man was surprisingly polite enough to ask them if he could take their plates to the kitchen to do the dishes.

Louis noticed Harry looking warily at his father, because Andrew would normally just tell Harry to do the task himself without bothering.

Harry didn’t protest against his father’s good will, shrugging instead and glancing at Louis before he got up and went to the living room. Without anything else to do, Louis pondered if he should go straight to his bedroom or if going to the living room would be too weird.

It had never been weird before. Louis had already stayed watching telly with both Andrew and Harry in the living room many times before, so he decided he would give himself the privilege of spending a little more time around Harry that night.

He sat on the loveseat couch that Harry wasn’t on and settled to see that Harry was mindlessly flipping through the channels. He stopped on a random Friends episode, not asking Louis if he wanted to watch it or not. Louis didn’t mind, whatever was fine for him; what he did mind though, was that he was at least waiting for the boy talk to him again. He tried not to feel sad when he didn’t.

A few other minutes passed until Andrew came to the living room. Louis was ready to hear him complaining that Harry had taken over the telly when it was almost time for him to watch the news.

Instead, Andrew only stepped behind the couch Harry was sitting on.

“You’re coming with me tomorrow to the club, son?”

Harry turned to look back at his father and Louis saw him hesitate. “Uh, remember I told you Nate invited me to a party? I’m gonna sleep over at his.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” Andrew nodded. “Yeah, you go do that, it’s nice for you to go out once in a while. You spend too much time in that room of yours,” the man inhaled sharply and then patted Harry on his shoulder. “The boys will miss you at the match, though.”

Louis caught Harry rolling his eyes. Hopefully Harry wasn’t looking at his father anymore. He tried to contain a chuckle.

“Anyway, I’m going to bed already,” Andrew said before he started walking again. Louis sank deeper in his spot on the couch, feeling more at ease that Andrew was leaving.

“Louis, you…” Andrew suddenly turned again and Louis was caught off guard by the man addressing him. “You wouldn’t like to go to the club with me, would you?”

Louis’ eyes certainly almost popped out of his face. He wasn’t expecting that at all.

“Sorry, but no, sir. I’m gonna be out this weekend too,” he tried to answer mindlessly. Andrew didn’t need to know what he was doing, it wasn’t any of his business anyway.

“Are you going to Doncaster?”

Louis furrowed his brows slightly. Seriously, what was wrong with that man that night? He had never inquired about his whereabouts, why was he suddenly interested now? He didn’t seem to be actually demanding anything from Louis, it seem like he was just… making small talk, which was weird nonetheless.

“Nope,” Louis simply answered, popping out the ‘p’ and at that he saw Andrew moving his mouth as if to say something else, maybe ask something else, but after a few seconds, he only nodded and mumbled a “Okay then”, realising that Louis probably wouldn’t tell him anything else and then said goodnight, resuming his walk to his bedroom.

Louis watched as he disappeared up in the stairs into the hallway and then turned his attention back to the telly, noticing that Harry was actually looking at him.

“What?” Louis could feel his cheeks flush. How long had Harry been staring at him? Probably since his father had suspiciously (and weirdly) asked Louis for a friendly outing on the weekend.

“Are you going to Divine?” Harry asked blatantly.

Louis had to blink twice to grasp Harry’s question.

“I…” Louis tried to respond, but still too confused. “No,” he cleared his throat, trying to compose himself, “how do you,” he nervously scratched the back of his neck, “how do you know about that?”

Harry shrugged and turned his body fully to face Louis. “I saw you there once.”

He did what now?

What the fuck was Harry doing at a gay nightclub? When had Harry been to Divine? How the fuck had he gotten in? (Well, it wouldn’t surprise Louis that the place wouldn’t care about +18 laws, but anyway).

Mostly important, how had Louis never seen Harry there?

What the fuck was going on in there on that day?

Louis was pretty sure his blood had left his face completely, the previous blushing feeling he had felt was simply gone. It probably looked like he had seen a ghost.

“You saw me there? When? I mean, how?” Louis managed to ask, his voice trembling a bit.

“I’ve gone there a few times,” Harry answered as if it wasn’t a big deal.

Well, it was. It was now for Louis because nobody would go to Divine a few times if they weren’t gay and well, that was new information for him but… focus, Louis had to focus.

“Again, how? Aren’t you like, sixteen?” Louis tried to sound nonchalant, as if the new fact about Harry wasn’t nagging in the back of his head.

“I’m gonna be eighteen in a couple of months anyway. Nothing that a fake ID doesn’t help.”

Who was this boy?

Louis already knew he didn’t know anything about Harry, but seriously, he didn’t imagine Harry to be… like this. Totally different from who he was when he was near his father.

At that thought, Louis glanced at the stairs.

“Don’t worry, he doesn’t know. Or he pretends he doesn’t, anyway.”

Louis looked back at Harry.

“Who are you and what have you done to Andrew’s son?” Louis joked nervously, but that earned a small laughter from Harry.

“I told you, I have my ways around him,” Harry chuckled again and the way his shoulders shifted and his curls bounced, Louis almost felt his face warming up again.

“Does he…” Louis started, carefully, trying not to sound too curious. “I mean, are you–”

“Gay?”

“Yeah.”

“Yup,” Harry turned his attention back to the TV for a moment and Louis gulped dryly.

Ok. Alright.

A beat passed in silence and the fake audience from Friends laughed at something funny Joey had said.

Curiosity was perking up inside Louis.

“When did you see me there?”

Harry didn’t take his eyes from the screen. “Last month, I think? The last time anyway. I think I’ve seen you a couple of times there, if I remember.”

FuckFuckFuck.

Ok. No. Cool. It was cool. Cool cool cool.

Louis had nothing to hide. Well, not anymore anyway. Harry knew Louis was also gay. Had known for a long time apparently.

Fine. He was fine. He was completely fine. (And no, he wasn’t saying that in Ross’ voice – he completely was, though).

Only he wasn’t, because then Harry had probably seen Louis hooking up with complete strangers and… no, Louis couldn’t imagine that. He couldn’t imagine either that he probably might have also seen Harry snogging strangers at the club and… fuck.

Alright, Harry wasn’t the angel Louis had imagined. Not that it had changed anything about how Louis saw Harry, about the things Louis found enticing and endearing about Harry.

The coy smile was still there, the gleam in his green eyes was still there, the bouncing curls were completely there. But now they had a new meaning.

Louis knew Harry was certainly gay and he was almost 18 years old, he wasn’t a kid. He had never been a kid. He was only two years younger than Louis. Louis had tried to set the age barrier between him and Harry bigger than it was just so he didn’t let himself dig a deeper hole than the one he was already in.

Now though, it seemed he had found another one that was dragging him further.

He gulped dryly one more time, not knowing what to say as Harry finally looked at him again, noticing how quiet Louis had gotten.

“So, you’re not going there this weekend?”

“Er, no,” Louis was able to reply. “I’m going to another nightclub, a new one my mate is doing a gig at.”

“Oh, nice,” Harry smiled, but not as brightly as he had done previously at Louis, “I’m going there.”

“Where?” Louis felt suddenly on edge. “To Hotline? Do you know about the party?”

“No,” Harry shook his head, “to Divine, I mean. It seems it won’t be this time we’ll actually meet there then. Haven’t heard of Hotline yet. Probably wouldn’t be able to get in if it’s new.”

If Louis could put a finger on it, he would say Harry almost sounded disappointed.

And if Louis had any self control, he would also watch out for what was leaving his mouth. “I could arrange something for you if you’d like.”

He saw the moment Harry’s eyes sparkled a little and his lips turned upward just the tiniest.

“Nah, it’s alright. It would be sick, of course, but Nate has everything set for Divine this weekend, so,” Harry kept looking at Louis, his fingers playing with a loose threat from the bracelets covering his left wrist, “who knows, maybe another time?”

“Whenever you feel like, we could go.”

Louis should really have a little more self control, because his mouth was speaking faster than his brain was thinking.

Harry smirked, actually smirked at Louis, nodding and then turned back to the telly, a vestige of red on his cheeks.

Louis breathed heavily trying to compose himself and put his thoughts in place. Right, that night had been too much already. If he stayed any more time around Harry, he would probably say more things than he should.

He waited until the episode was over, saying goodnight to Harry and then headed to his room.

If he felt Harry’s eyes on his back all the way up to the stairs until he wasn’t in his sight anymore, he tried to ignore them.

He tried falling asleep as soon as he changed his clothes and got into bed, but his thoughts were wandering around everything Harry had just said to him.

Never had he expected Harry to open up to him like that, to unashamedly let Louis know that he was gay, that he would go to gay nightclubs, just like Louis... that he had gone to the same club Louis used to go, that he had seen Louis there before.

Why hadn’t he mentioned it before? And how had Louis missed seeing Harry there?

The boy probably had tried to make himself unnoticeable in the middle of the crowd, probably not wanting Louis to see him there, probably afraid Louis would say something to his father. It made sense, but still, how could Louis not have seen Harry there when most of the times his mind was still wired with thoughts about Harry even when he was trying to free himself from them.

It was involuntary to think about going to Divine again and meeting Harry there. It was involuntary to think about Harry ditching his friends to meet with Louis at Hotline the next day.

That would probably never happen, and even if it did, even if they ended up going clubbing on the same day, nothing would happen, nothing could happen, Louis tried to remind himself.

As much as he hoped to one day see what Harry was really like, as much as his invitation to Harry had happened on a whim, that would stay in his wishful thinking. He would very much like to get to know the real Harry, though, this Harry that was showing Louis a new side in the past couple of days.

Those thoughts weren’t letting his brain shut down and he was getting itchy lying in bed. If he was being honest, he needed to smoke, but he couldn’t, not inside the house (Andrew had made that very clear). Louis didn’t know how long he had been trying to sleep, but he needed to do something to get his mind away from Harry again. He decided to grab a glass of water at least just to make himself walk and release some of the tension he had built up.

As he opened the door to his room, he was faced with a Harry staring at him just a few steps away.

“Harry,” Louis barely let out his voice, staring at the boy in front of him, completely taken aback.

When Harry didn’t move, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Louis breathed in deeply before he asked.

“Are you okay? Do you need something?”

He wasn’t sure what Harry was doing all the way over the other end of the hallway, when his bedroom was in the opposite direction. There was nothing there but Louis’ bedroom.

He took at look at Harry, noticing he hadn’t changed to his pajamas yet. Probably hadn’t even gone to his bedroom yet.

“I…” Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, gauging what to reply to Louis. “I’m good, I’m…” he turned his head around, eyes stopping on the bathroom door a few feet away from them on the opposite side. “I was going to the bathroom, I’m too… too sleepy, I walked past it, didn’t even notice, yeah.” He turned his attention to Louis again, fingers running through his curls, messing with his hair.

Louis couldn’t deny he was enjoying himself seeing Harry at a loss, trying maybe too hard to explain himself as to why he was standing by Louis’ bedroom door. What was there to explain? Only if he felt like he had done something he shouldn’t have…

“Okay?” Louis looked confused at Harry, but trying to bite off a smirk from growing on his lips.

“Yeah, okay,” Harry chewed on his lips and ducked his head, glancing down his own feet. “Yeah, I’m gonna,” he pointed to the bathroom door and started walking towards it. “Night, Louis,” he said when he reached it, hand on the doorknob, looking back one last time at Louis before he entered and closed himself inside.

Louis didn’t have time to process what had happened. He didn’t know what to think of that… think that maybe Harry had been standing by his door just because, or maybe he intended to do something or talk to Louis. Or to think about how flustered Harry had seemed to be caught in the act – but in the act of what?

He was feeling a bit too smug about that if he admitted, because, how was that possible? Did it mean something? Louis knew, from his part, the reason why he would linger at Harry’s door some nights. Now, for Harry, did it mean the same? Had that happened more than once?

It also made Louis feel like he couldn’t contain what he felt for Harry, only imagining if Harry would ever feel the same way he did. He also felt like a teenager who had a silly crush. A teenager – just like Harry.

Louis shook his head as if to shake himself off from those feelings and thoughts – the ones he was trying to get rid of in the first place, that’s why he had decided to get out of his bedroom, only to have them shoved back at his face by Harry himself.

He finally moved his feet to go downstairs and get his glass of water, as quickly as possible so he could go back to his room without bumping into Harry on the hallway again.

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough, Louis thought as he finally settled on his bed and shut his eyes, hoping to fall asleep this time.

 

*

 

It was supposed to be a weekend to make Louis loosen up, to make Louis forget everything his mind couldn’t shut up about – it was supposed to be a weekend free from Harry.

Despite all his efforts, despite the rush of being surrounded by unknown people in a new place, it seemed Louis couldn’t free himself from thinking about those green eyes.

He knew it was useless to imagine that Harry would somehow appear at Hotline, but still, every time he was on the dance floor, every time he headed to the bar, every time he went outside for a smoke, he kept wondering if Harry had changed his plans and tried to make his way to the new dance club.

Louis felt restless the whole night, not even being able to enjoy blokes hitting on him. He tried to engage, he tried to let himself go, tried to get drunk, to dance and to kiss anyone, but his mind was driving him up the wall, now thinking about Harry at Divine, having fun, being able to do just what Louis desperately wanted to but couldn’t.

He left Hotline frustrated with himself; even Steve could notice that, to the point that when they were back at his place, Steve managed to make Louis spill about what was going on. It wasn’t Louis’ proudest moment, he had to admit, but at least he was letting it all out, not only his frustrations about Harry, but also his shitty life.

Steve was a nice lad, one of the few closest friends from Uni Louis had, and was always trying to make sure Louis was alright. If it was compassion or pity he felt after Louis’ drunken confessions at almost dawn that made Steve offer Louis an option to get out of the situation he was in, Louis didn’t know, but he couldn’t expect Steve to deal with his problems. He didn’t want to take advantage of Steve’s friendship just so he could escape his unresolved and unattainable matters. He wouldn’t have money to survive on his own if he left Andrew’s house and job to live with Steve. Steve wasn’t going to pay him to help with his gigs either, the lad barely made enough for himself. Steve had good intentions trying to help and look after Louis, but right now, there wasn’t much Louis could do to help himself.

It almost felt like a walk of shame going back to the Styles’ house that Sunday, as if Louis was being defeated by his own inability of just getting his shit together. He accepted it, though, only telling himself that he had to work harder at least to be able to live there without fearing for his life and make living and working with Andrew a little bit more pleasant. He could also try to control whatever he felt for Harry so it wouldn’t feel like he was some desperate lovesick fool; he wouldn’t have to endure much more for longer if he managed to do just that, because he’d already been able to save up a little, so in a few months he could finally grow some balls and leave everything behind and start his life from scratch (and then maybe accept Steve’s offer without feeling like a leech) – and once and for all settle his mind about Harry.

It wasn’t going to be an easy task, Louis noticed the moment he stepped inside the house. He had come back with the intention of thinking less and less about Harry. What foolish thinking, because the first thing Louis heard when he walked past the boy’s room when going in the direction of his own bedroom was Harry’s loud laughter – a rare occurrence, but that somehow made all those self-pity feelings Louis was having vanish.

He was back to thinking about Harry at Divine and how much he had probably enjoyed himself. Louis wished he had been able to be there, after knowing Harry would show up, to see for the first time what Harry was like outside of his element (or in his real element, actually).

Fuck, Louis had to stop making himself this walking contradiction, not knowing what he wanted. (Well, he knew what he wanted, but as he couldn’t have it, he need to learn how to deal better with it)

He didn’t let himself linger at Harry’s door that night, neither let himself wonder much more about anything Harry related. He simply went to his room and let himself fall asleep as quickly as he could, the tiredness from the weekend taking over him, only hoping he would hear his alarm clock the next morning before he heard Andrew’s insistent knocks on his door.

 

*

 

“Didn’t see you coming back yesterday.”

Louis was startled by the voice invading the kitchen – that low and dragged voice, even more now in a sleepy state, he could notice.

Harry was standing by the kitchen door, still wearing his pj’s when Louis looked up from where he was sat at the table eating his cereal.

“It was kinda late,” he answered, trying to give Harry a small smile.

“Then it’s a miracle you’re up this early,” Harry chuckled, walking closer to where Louis was to go to the counter and start preparing his tea.

Louis sighed, because not even he could believe he was up before everyone else in the house. Well, it wasn’t a completely surprise since he could barely sleep the previous night, even as tired as he had been, so he thought it was better to just leave his bed and get ready for his day.

“Miracles do happen once in awhile,” Louis shrugged, trying to contain himself from looking over his shoulder to face Harry. He heard the sound of the kettle being turned on and could get a glimpse of Harry’s movements, stretching out his arms and yawning lazily.

“So,” Harry spoke a few moments later when neither of them had said anything else, Louis trying his best to focus on his breakfast. He stepped closer to the table, taking a seat in front of Louis. “How was Hotline?”

Harry was up for small talk, it seemed. After all those months, right when Louis was doing all he could to control his feelings, Harry decided to talk to him. Peachy.

“It was alright,” Louis munched on his cereal in lieu of having to say more.

“Was your friend’s gig alright too?” Harry eyed Louis from the rim of his mug before he took a sip, those green eyes looking right at him behind the hot mist that was leaving his drink.

“Uhm-hm,” Louis mumbled still making sure his mouth was full.

“Nice,” Harry nodded, putting the mug down and taking a slice of toast from the plate he had also brought to the table.

Louis could feel the boy wanted to say something else, he could feel he wanted to engage more in conversation with Louis, but seeing that maybe Louis didn’t want to, he didn’t push the talk. He felt a bit bad about it, because he knew Harry barely talked inside his own house and now that it seemed that Louis and him had something in common to talk about, it was just rude to ignore Harry.

(Alright, he was dying to talk to Harry and know how his night at Divine had gone. That was the truth, who Louis was trying to fool?)

“How was Divine?” Louis asked after he saw Harry had finished eating his toast.

The boy gulped his food faster than Louis thought was possible, looking up at Louis with an expectant look.

“It was good.” Harry shrugged nonchalantly suddenly.

“Same as always?” Louis instigated, seeing a different glint in Harry’s eyes.

“Eh,” he took another sip from his tea, “normal. I mean, not as fun as usual, but it was ok.”

Louis furrowed his brows, confused by what Harry was saying. He seemed too smug but at the same time a little bit sad, Louis couldn’t quite understand it. “How so?”

“Dunno, it just felt like something was missing,” Harry didn’t look at Louis as he answered, his eyes were focused on his fingers scratching at the wristband on his left arm.

There shouldn’t be hidden implications in what Harry said, Louis shouldn’t think there were any implications in that, but… the way Harry had said it, the way his eyes dared to look up at Louis and the way his lips curved up the slightest, Louis was almost sure Harry didn’t mean just any _something_ had been missing.

“Oh, yeah?” Louis tried to distract himself, grabbing one of the toasts from Harry’s plate for himself. At that, Harry looked up, his nose scrunching up as he faced Louis and his face opened in a small smile. “Divine is always fun, mate, dunno how it can’t be,” Louis added as he arched a brow at Harry and took a bite from the toast.

He saw Harry biting on his bottom lips and shake his head. “Yeah, when there are fun and interesting people there,” Harry shrugged again, not taking his eyes from Louis.

“No one interesting there this weekend?” Louis pushed, almost feeling his stomach twist, all the food he had ingested feeling like it was going to come right back up. He didn’t want to play games with Harry, but he was just too entertained at the thought that Harry was maybe, just maybe implying that Divine hadn’t been fun because he wasn’t there. But that wasn’t possible, right?

“No,” Harry shook his head. “Not the usual ones, no.” Louis could see Harry’s dimple form on his cheek as he tried to suppress a smile and averted Louis’ eyes.

Fucking hell, this couldn’t possibly be Harry Styles flirting with him at barely 8 in the morning.

Louis inhaled sharply, doing his best to look put out and collected instead of being affected by Harry.

“Well, let’s hope next time you’ll find more interesting people there,” he said, completely nonchalantly, completely not trying to imply that next time Harry went to Divine Louis would be there, would be some of the interesting people Harry would find there. If Harry ever found Louis interesting, that was it.

“Yeah, let’s,” Harry licked his lips before taking his mug in his hand and drinking from it once again.

Louis chewed on the inside of his cheek and ran a hand over his fringe, doing anything but look back at Harry, resuming eating his toast quickly.

Any more chattering was interrupted by Andrew entering the kitchen and abruptly stopping in his tracks when he spotted Louis sitting by the table.

“You...” the man cleared his throat, “you’re up already.” It wasn’t a question. It felt like a statement to reassure himself that he wasn’t seeing a mirage in front of him.

“Yeah, sir,” Louis managed to say, finishing his toast and getting up with his cereal bowl in hand to take to the sink.

“I thought… I knocked on your door…” Andrew was barely speaking, but he quickly composed himself, walking closer to the table. “Anyway, you’re up. That’s good.”

“Morning, Dad,” Harry said and Louis could sense a hint of laughter in his tone.

As Louis washed his dirty bowl, Harry finished his breakfast and Andrew proceeded to start his. Just as Louis was about to leave the kitchen, Harry also got up from the table and walked behind him.

“Have a nice day at work, Dad, see you later,” the boy said, making Andrew look up at him, a confused look in his eyes, but replying with a “You too, take care at school” before Harry crossed the door.

“Louis.” Harry nodded towards him when he passed in front of him to go upstairs. “See ya.”

Louis stood where he was, watching Harry get back to his room, probably to get ready for school.

“Yeah, see ya,” he managed to reply when he couldn’t see Harry anymore, the memory of Harry’s smile on his face as he looked one last time at Louis still lingering in front of him.

 

*

 

After that, it felt like things had shifted.

Louis just didn’t know if it was for better or worse. It could be both, everything considered.

It was for the better because he and Harry seemed to have finally fallen into a routine of talking every day, of spending their time talking after dinner or at any time, really, when they were in each other’s presence.

It was good because this way, Louis had gotten to know more about Harry, could understand what actually went through his mind, how he actually was, who he actually was.

A few things Louis had learned: Harry didn’t give a damn about his father’s accounting company. He wanted nothing to do with it; what he really wanted was to be a photographer, move out of London once he got into Uni, maybe go to Manchester and live with his grandparents (Louis almost found it comical how before, he had been exactly the opposite of Harry) just so to escape what his father had basically already set in stone for him.

He hated football, he only practiced it just so his father wouldn’t complain about anything else he did – about his nights out with his friends, more specifically. He was really shitty at it. He only went to his father’s club on the weekends with him because he thought it was the least he could do to have a normal father-son relationship, but it didn’t help much anyway.

Harry had first found out he was into boys in year nine and he had told his mother before she passed away. He never had the courage to come out to his father officially, although he suspected his mother had told him about it. Not that it had made any difference, because he knew his father would never address it, would never talk to him about it, would simply ignore it – that’s why Harry had an “I can’t change” tattoo on his wrist (which was always hidden by his wristbands, Louis learned when Harry showed it to him after telling how he was planning another set of tattoos soon – “Things I can” and “Things I can’t”, one on each arm).

Beside the tattoos, there were many things Harry had done without his father knowing and Louis understood why he did it – Andrew was a narrow-minded intolerant git, getting even worse after he lost his wife. Harry didn’t understand how even more insensitive his father could’ve gotten, but that was the way he was and Harry had learned how to deal with it in his own way. He didn’t hate his father, he simply wished he could live his life without being trapped by him.

That’s why he had his way around him, had lived by his rules so far, but still managed to get what he wanted; also because he knew his father feared losing him for good. So as long as he still had to be under his father’s wing, he found his ways to live according to him but sneaking around there and then – first going to Divine when he had turned 17 (Louis almost choked at the revelation because it meant Harry knew Louis, or had seen Louis way before he’d imagined).

Louis learned that Harry wasn’t trying to be a rebel or anything, he wasn’t trying to be the typical teenager who hated his father and his home – the situation he (they) lived in was shitty, so he understood Harry’s attitude. Harry only wanted to live and be himself, something Louis also had learned how to do when he was about Harry’s age and still had his mother, but now had to give up his leeway to survive the next few months. Louis understood what Harry was going through, more than ever now.

In spite of the apparent double personality, Louis also found out what Harry was really like while talking to him – Harry was a soft, caring boy who hated injustice and always tried to see the best in people (even in his father), tried to see the best in the world through his camera lenses whenever he took pictures. He loved to watch (and to cry with) rom coms and silly comedies, and had an exquisite sense of humor, which Louis couldn't blame him for since his poor attempts of puns and jokes would make Louis laugh the most.

Harry wasn’t only beautiful on the outside, something that had caught Louis’ attention since the first time he saw Harry, but Louis also found out Harry was beautiful on the inside.

And that was the worst part, maybe, about this whole thing, because it only made Louis realise how hard he was falling for Harry, how easy it was for him to be captivated by Harry in any way.

If he sometimes made a fool of himself in front of the boy, he didn’t even care. Harry made him feel more at ease, better about himself, and more welcomed in the last three weeks than he had been in the past six months. He also got to tell Harry about himself and that made them feel closer, dangerously closer to Louis’ likes, noticing how attentive Harry got whenever Louis opened up to him, how Harry laughed at basically anything Louis said (even if it wasn’t that funny), and how Harry had seemed even more protective of Louis whenever Andrew would make a sneering comment about him – which had significantly reduced, since Louis had started to be more focused on his job (because he stopped daydreaming about Harry, now getting the real version of Harry for himself, in some way.)

Although it seemed that things had changed for the better in most aspects, it was still bad for Louis.

The more he tried to distance himself from Harry, the closer he actually got to the boy and the deeper he dug himself into something he didn’t know if he could stop. He and Harry could have gotten closer, but that didn’t change things: he was still his boss’ son, son of the man who took him in, who seemed to be warily of their sexuality if Harry’s telling of how Andrew would rather ignore the topic altogether was anything to go by, and also Harry was still younger than him, even though he seemed older sometimes...

There wasn’t anything Louis could do even if Harry seemed to be very keen to get even closer to him, but every time he did so, Louis tried to brush it off, covering his fluster with jokes and a little bit of banter.

Or sometimes, he would still say things he shouldn’t.

He tried to forget he had ever told Harry that maybe, one day, somehow, they could go clubbing together. He hoped Harry had forgotten about it too. That wasn’t the case though.

It’d been three weeks since he had gone to Hotline and Harry to Divine, and Louis had decided to lay low. One weekend he had gone back to Doncaster and on the others, he had a shitload of Uni stuff to do, so he hadn’t gone out really.

Harry, on the contrary, had spent the weekends partying and, not so subtly, asking Louis if he would go back to Divine.

As much as the invitations had been tempting, Louis had the right excuses those times. That week though, Louis didn’t have anything to do and he was starting to get itchy only thinking what he could tell Harry if he invited Louis once again. If Louis admitted it to himself, he did need to go out and release some stress, maybe try and forget Harry for just a bit, which wouldn’t happen if he were to go clubbing with the aforementioned.

For his luck, Steve was his savior. Hotline had called him for a last minute gig another DJ couldn’t do that weekend, so as the good mate that he was who knew how much Louis needed to get his mind away from what had been troubling him, he put Louis on his guest list. Louis accepted it in no time and when Harry asked him again that Friday if he already had plans for Saturday, Louis was relieved to tell him so.

Louis tried to ignore the almost beaten down look on Harry’s face, which had been there for barely a second before Harry only said “Cool! I’ll head to Divine with Nate again, hope you have fun again there” and gave him a lopsided smile.

That was why when Saturday night approached and Louis saw Harry sporting that same disappointed look, he was intrigued. Usually Harry would be visibly hyped to go out, but as Louis was sitting on the big living room couch watching telly waiting for time to pass until he could go out, a very mopey Harry sat on the empty space beside him, not as dressed up as he was expecting him to be.

“You alright?” Louis asked, seeing how Harry had puffed as he sat down, arms crossed over his chest.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” his irritated tone of voice showed otherwise.

“You don’t seem, though,” Louis lowered the volume from the TV, not even minding that he wasn’t paying attention to the Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode that was on anymore.

Harry shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment before he looked back at Louis to answer. “Nate is sick, he can’t go to Divine tonight. And I can’t go by myself, so my plans to go out tonight are completely ruined.” He chewed on his lips and then looked down as he rested his hands on his lap, playing with his fingers nervously.

Louis could see how pissed and frustrated Harry was with his change of plans. The sad pout on his lips wasn’t helping Louis think about anything comforting to say, like “Don’t worry, you can always go there next weekend, cheer up.”

Instead, his brain was thinking of the one thing he had been avoiding for the past three weeks and when Harry heavily sighed beside him, what left Louis mouth had been completely against his own will.

“Maybe they’re not.”

Harry looked up at him with curious eyes. “How so?”

Louis gulped, gathering whatever courage he still had in him, because that was it. He had already said it, he couldn’t back down now and the sad expression had completely gone from Harry’s face. So, was there really any harm in inviting Harry to go to Hotline with him? Of course, everything could go batshit because Harry couldn’t legally enter the place, but Louis could manage to do that… and obviously, there was also that whole thing about how Louis was very much into getting to know Harry more, and was very much into him. That night though, he would have to control himself, more than he had done the past few days, because this wasn’t about him. This was about getting Harry not to look miserable about spending the night in, in his pajamas, when he seemed to be up for a fun night out just a few hours before. This was about getting Harry to smile, that was it.

“I can’t promise you anything,” Louis started, carefully, because it was the truth, but he knew he could try if he persuaded Steve enough (and also ignored whatever Steve would tell him about how Louis was doing exactly the opposite he said he’d do so), “but maybe, if you’d like of course, we could try to get you inside Hotline today, so your Saturday night wouldn’t go to waste.”

“You’d do that?” There was an almost sheepish childish tone to Harry’s voice as his eyes lit up.

Louis simply shrugged because he wasn’t sure anything he’d say wouldn’t come out in a way that showed how eager he was to have Harry at Hotline with him.

“That’s,” Harry opened a wide smile, “that would be wicked. But only if it won’t cause you any trouble, of course. I don’t want to–”

“No, don’t worry about that,” Louis interrupted, not wanting Harry to be distressed about anything he would have to do to get him there. “I’m gonna text Steve, he might be able to put you on the VIP list too, I guess that way nobody would question if you can actually be there or not.” Louis didn’t even spare a second to fetch his phone to try and reach Steve.

Harry kept smiling at him while he did so, Louis could sense even though he didn’t take his eyes from his phone while he waited for Steve’s answer.

It didn’t surprise him that Steve had agreed, but only after saying “Hope you know what you’re doing, bro”.

Louis sent back a “So do I, but thanks, I owe you one” as a reply and looked back at Harry.

“Guess tonight is your lucky night,” he pocketed his phone and looked again at Harry, a small smirk on his lips.

“No fucking way,” Harry’s excited self was back on and Louis couldn’t pretend that didn’t make him feel excited too, but jittery at the same time.

“Yeah fucking way,” he laughed. “Now, I guess you’d rather change those pj’s of yours into more appropriate clubbing attire,” Louis tried to joke but still sounding serious, which only prompted Harry to roll his eyes and laugh too.

“Damn, I really thought my pajamas were adorable enough for you,” Harry got up from the couch and started going towards the stairs, “but at least they worked to make you pity me a little, eh?”

Louis didn’t see Harry winking at him as he made his way up the stairs. No, he definitely didn’t.

(He did. That sneaky little bastard was going to be the end of Louis’ night, probably life – if Louis didn’t control himself enough)

Not long after, Harry appeared in the living room again, dressed up in clothes Louis was pretty sure he hadn’t seen the boy wearing before – black skinny jeans with a black shirt with only a Pink Floyd’s The Dark Side Of the Moon logo and a black jacket, his white Converse being the only thing standing out (besides his curls and his soft green eyes).

Louis had to contain himself from feeling too smug because he was practically dressed up the same – take the Pink Floyd shirt and replace it for a Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart one and the Converse for his black Vans.

“Ready, Curly?” The nickname slipped off of Louis’ tongue easily, not being the first time he had used it in the past few weeks and if the light blush on Harry’s cheek was caused by it, he couldn’t really deny it hadn’t been his intention all along. _Control your fucking self, Tomlinson,_ he thought to himself

“Yeah, we should get going before da–”

There wasn’t enough time for Harry to finish what he was about to say when the door opened in front of where both of them were already standing up to leave the house.

Andrew stepped inside, catching sight of Louis and Harry looking back at him. Louis could see his eyes travelling from his son back to Louis, maybe trying to gauge what the pair was up to. It didn’t take much for him to close the door behind him and look back at them with his brows furrowed.

“You two are heading out?”

“Yep,” Harry beat Louis in answering.

“Together?” Andrew’s brows seemed to have knitted themselves together, looking once again from Harry to Louis quickly.

“Yeah, Dad,” Harry’s tone was just the tiniest irritated, Louis could notice.

Andrew appeared to have relaxed a bit as he let out a deep sigh and passed by them to go closer to the couch. “You didn’t even go to the club with me today. Haven’t for a few weeks.”

Now it was Louis’ time to crease his brows because… Was Andrew jealous of Harry spending time with _him_?

“I was going out with Nate tonight, but he bailed on me, so now I’m going out with Louis, nothing changed.” Harry rolled his eyes at his father’s back.

“It changed that you’re going out with _him_ ,” Louis could sense a sharp intonation in Andrew’s voice. “Did you plan on telling me that or would you just sneak out, keep this between the two of you, like it has been the past few days?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Dad!” Harry sounded exasperated.

“Language, Harry.” Andrew turned to face both of them, voice stern and his eyes a dark shade of green – nothing compared to Harry’s. They never were.

“Whatever,” Harry shook his head and let out a deep sigh. “Is there a problem with me going out with Louis? He’s my friend the same way Nate is.”

Louis only wondered what it meant, because truly, this Nate guy was the one Harry kept going to a gay nightclub with.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed how much time you two have spent together lately.”

And what was that supposed to mean?

“So what, Dad? Just because you patronize Louis doesn’t mean I have to do the same. I’m not you and I enjoy Louis’ company, so I’m going out with him.”

Louis very much would like to disappear right then and there because he didn’t want to be the reason for the argument that was growing between Harry and Andrew.

He also wanted to say something back, to defend himself and not let Harry do it, again. But he was speechless, only facing Andrew, who kept his gaze on him.

(and he also wanted to store the information that Harry enjoyed his company. No biggie)

“Fine,” Andrew seemed to let go of any argument he was ready to go further with Harry. He didn’t take his eyes from Louis, though, when he kept talking. “You as much do anything to get Harry in trouble... you’d better be careful, son.”

There was a tone of threat, but Louis didn’t think much of it, because Andrew had already threatened to kick him out endless times for his lack of commitment, and yet, there Louis was, _still_.

“I’m not 10, Dad, fucking hell,” Harry murmured, puffing.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him,” Louis finally spoke, smiling at Andrew, daring to imply that he’d be doing a better job than Andrew had done so far with his own son.

If he saw a small smile perking on Harry’s lips, he refrained himself from smiling bigger.

“Don’t come back late,” was all Andrew said as the boys started walking towards the door without minding the man inside the house.

They finally stepped outside and it felt like both of them let out a synchronized breath, sharing a sheepishly look and the breaking out in chuckles.

“Sorry about that,” Harry spoke, trying to calm down. “He’s a fucking nightmare. Don’t mind him, really.”

“I don’t. Haven’t for awhile now,” Louis put both his hands inside his jacket pockets. “He’s just looking out for you anyway. Maybe he thinks I’m trouble. Wouldn’t put it past him.”

“He still treats me as a child, it’s infuriating,” Harry copied Louis’ gesture and was the first to start walking on the pavement. “If only he knew that maybe he should worry about me getting you in trouble.”

Harry sounded a little too sarcastic, too mischievous and Louis didn’t know what to do with that. He followed Harry’s step, walking side by side with him.

“Oh yeah? Are you always like this when you go out, up to no good?” Louis should take it easy, he really should, but he also couldn’t contain himself.

He glimpsed a dimple forming on Harry’s cheek.

Harry shrugged. “Maybe,” he let out a snorted laugh, “but I don’t know what kind of trouble you’re thinking about, because I was clearly talking about maybe you getting caught by letting an underage inside a gay club.”

Oh.

“Oh,” Louis ducked his head, avoiding looking at Harry entirely. And there he was thinking that they were going to engage in a light flirty banter.

He didn’t know where he had gotten the impression that he would be able to handle that. At least, he was safe, because then he could try to play it cool around Harry that night.

“But also, who knows, you are yet to see me causing real trouble, so…” Harry said and Louis knew Harry was engaging his light flirty banter.

Was he really safe that night? Fuck, maybe he wasn’t.

 

*

 

Hotline was – pun completely and unnecessarily intended – hot, despite the chilly air they had faced on the streets after leaving the tube. The place was packed. Louis didn’t expect it to be like that, since it was a fairly new dance club in the area, but apparently the word had spread around the scene that the house vibe was much better than the usual gay nightclubs in London.

Also, it seemed Steve had started to make a name for himself. When they arrived at Hotline, the line outside the place was longer than Louis had expected, Steve informing them that the word had spread about him doing the gig last minute when they met briefly. And Louis was so fucking glad he and Steve were close friends and that not only he had managed to put him inside, but also to do him that little favor of sneaking Harry in without much problem (Nobody had asked for Harry’s ID – who would think the main attraction of the night would pull an illegal stunt on them? They liked and trusted Steve. Everybody did. Louis had to remind himself to return the favor because Steve was so fucking good to him when he didn’t deserve it – or need or should have asked that of him, really).

The moment they entered the house, Louis moved to the bar to get something to refresh themselves. Needless to say, that hadn’t been the only time during the night it had happened. On Louis’ end, he got himself a drink any time it had been too hard to deal with a dancing Harry near him, using the excuse to distance himself and put his head in place, sometimes taking more time than necessary not only to get his hand on a glass of vodka but also to smoke for a while. As for Harry, Louis didn’t know what was in store for him, because when it seemed Louis was having one drink, Harry had been on his tenth.

Louis somehow felt guilty because he was literally doing the opposite of what he had told Andrew. If Harry went back home plastered and Andrew noticed, things wouldn’t end well for Louis. At the same time, though, seeing Harry so carefree, enjoying himself, dancing, cheeks flushed, glassy eyes and curls a little more puffed because of the sweat, he couldn’t find it in him to actually really stop Harry from simply being himself.

And being himself in this case included, not subtly, being at Louis’ side the whole night, included brushing off every bloke who had approached him when Louis was near. Louis’ little time-outs from dancing with Harry were also a way to see if Harry would simply just let go and get on with somebody, but when Louis tried to linger by some wall and give Harry his own space and time, he could notice how the boy’s eyes were always scanning the dance floor and making himself less cheerful and enthusiastic than he appeared to be when he was close to Louis.

So it was pretty hard for Louis to actually control himself and stay away from Harry. He tried as much as he could to at least preserve the personal space between them, even when Steve decided to play a more up beat song.

 _[Turn up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2yS8wzji00) _ _the sound_  
_Turn up the sound_ _  
Turn up the sound_

_And play it loud so that everyone who comes around_

_Gets wild_  
_Gets wild  
Gets wild_

 _'Cause we getting crazy_  
_Burning down the town  
We burn it down so that everyone comes around_

 _Gets wild_  
_Gets wild_  
_Gets wild_

Or when Steve played one of Louis’ favorite, and most relatable songs. Harry seemed to know it as well and sang it at the top of his lungs, arm thrown around Louis’ shoulder, making him swing along.

 _[And it's a long way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FgjjCcR4ek) _ _back from seventeen_  
_The whispers turn into a scream_  
_And I'm, I'm not coming home_

 _Save your breath, I'm nearly_  
_Bored to death and fading fast_  
_Life is too short to last long_  
_Back on earth, I'm broken_  
_Lost and cold and fading fast_  
_Life is too short to last long_

Or when Harry simply was either too dazed or something else, Louis as woozy as he was himself couldn’t quite figure out what it was, that he started dancing really close to Louis, bodies brushing, Harry turning so his back was to Louis’ front, not actually minding the proximity, not actually minding to throw his hands up and then down, searching for Louis’ neck and turning back around to dance along with Louis, both arms hooked around his neck, his green eyes never leaving Louis’ stare.

 _[It was just](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUFvedRFijY) _ _the beginning_  
_I think that I was meant to be next to you, to you_  
_All these planets spinning_  
_I think that I was meant to be next to you, to you_  
_And you know I found the dust to be resilient_  
_And we're the dirtiest of the dirt_  
_Every time we fall to pieces we build something new out of the hurt_

 _And we can never come back to earth_  
_To earth, to earth, to earth, to earth_  
_We can never come back to earth_  
_To earth, to earth, to earth, to earth_

 _Are you living your life or just waiting to die?_  
_The pride, the pride, the pride_  
_The brightest things fade the fastest_  
_All my life, pride, the pride, the pride_  
_The brightest things fade the fastest_  
_Woah oh oh woah oh oh woah oh oh_

It felt like Louis’ world was actually spinning, like he was going out of orbit, afloat somewhere else; he didn’t know how to come back, how to put his feet back on the ground, how to stay grounded without wanting more, more of Harry. Maybe he needed Harry’s contact to make him get back to Earth, maybe Harry’s touch was the wake up call he needed to get his shit together.

He fought the urge to put his hands on Harry’s waist, the urge to just bury his face on Harry’s neck and let himself go, go away somewhere he was pretty sure he would lose himself if he just gave in. He couldn’t, though. He needed to stay sane. He needed to fucking back down or else he would do things he wasn’t sure it was actually what Harry was conveying to him right now.

Harry was drunk, that much was clear, so, it wasn’t the brightest idea to reciprocate whatever was happening there because, was it really happening? Or was it just the moment, just two bodies in a sea of other bodies too close to each other – but were they only two bodies too close or had they become two people too close to each other, two people far too similar who were learning more about each other as the days passed?

Louis didn’t know anymore and he didn’t want to think about it when he wasn’t in the right mind to think about anything really, especially with Harry’s hands on him, their bodies still dancing together.

Louis simply laughed, trying not to look too embarrassed by the state they were in. He laughed dismissively, trying to convey to Harry that what was going on there wasn’t a big deal. They were both drunk (Louis was tipsy, not drunk, he still had a mind to think about what was right or wrong at least), it was a friendly and fun night out. That was it.

And Harry laughed in return, laughed and smiled that dimpled, cheshire cat smile Louis had yet to figure out if he would be doomed by it or not, and then leaned in.

Louis felt his whole body freeze and on instinct, one that probably had sobered up every cell inside him in no time, turning his face and letting Harry bury himself on his neck, clingy so. Louis had no other option but hold Harry so his body weight didn’t make both of them fall on the dance floor. That was a better alternative than whatever Harry had been about to do.

Fuck.

When the song was over, and Louis heard Steve speaking on the mic, asking if the crowd had been having a good time so far and if they were ready for the last few songs, Louis dragged himself and Harry(‘s body) to the bar, but only this time to get them water. He couldn’t let Harry drink anymore. Soon they’d have to go back home, it was getting late already and Harry needed to sober up somehow.

“C’mon big bambi, drink up,” he pushed the bottle towards Harry, who was draped over the counter, head resting over his crossed arms.

“I feel numb, can’t move. Too much.” Harry mumbled and Louis shook his head, drinking first from the bottle and then tentatively brushing one hand over Harry’s sweaty, curly fringe. Harry’s eyes were closed, but Louis could see his eyelids flutter with the contact.

“If you hadn’t drunk the equivalent of your body weight you wouldn’t feel like this. C’mon, it’s water, it will make you feel better.”

“Don’t want to, I’m good like this,” Harry opened his eyes, his green and shiny eyes looking up at Louis. “Feel good like this with you.”

Harry didn’t look the slightest bit drunk when he spoke and Louis had to gulp down the rest of the water or else he would spit everything on Harry’s face.

“Alright, it’s time to go home,” he tried to be composed and led his hand to envelope Harry by his waist, making him get to a standing position and start walking.

Eventually, Harry took the bottle from Louis and drank a bit as they were waiting for the cab outside Hotline.

The chilly air was a fresh contrast from what it had been inside the place. _Hot Hot Hot._

The open window from the backseat of the cab they got in was a good enough distraction from an almost asleep Harry beside him, curled up on the other door, head resting against the window and arms crossed over his chest, hugging himself.

That night, Louis didn’t mind the city’s buzz, he didn’t mind the barely visible moon.

What he minded was that he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with his life.

Every fiber in his being screamed to leave it all behind for good, but everything in him also craved to stay, stay close to Harry, closer and closer until he crashed.

He tried to let those thoughts drive away from him as the cab made his way around London and when it finally approached the Styles’ house, Louis was almost sure he had dozed off for a minute or five, which was enough for him to forget about whatever his mind wouldn’t shut up about

He paid the driver and dragged a very sleepy Harry out of the car and towards the house. It was a difficult task because as much as Harry was a lightweight for alcohol, he was not light at all and he was still clinging to Louis like a koala.

They finally managed to get inside and Louis considered heading to the kitchen to get Harry to drink more water, but he knew he couldn’t keep carrying Harry like that. It was better to take him to his bedroom, as silently as he could, so not to disturb Andrew and then he would deal with getting Harry to sober up and get some painkillers for him to deal with his certain hangover the next day.

Going up the stairs was another hard task, with Harry practically sleeping on him, his jelly legs barely cooperating. With a lot of effort and a giggling Harry by his side, Louis finally reached Harry’s door, panting when he opened it.

Harry almost stumbled inside and Louis had to hold him tighter so he wouldn’t fall face first on the floor.

Harry let out a loud squeal and started laughing. Just as loudly. Louis had to contain everything in him not to laugh along – Harry’s laughter was contagious, he couldn’t deny that.

“Shh, Curly, you have to be quiet, or do you want Andrew to burst in here and snap our necks?” Louis chuckled, leading Harry to his bed.

He was ready to let go of Harry as soon as he was lying there, but Harry’s hand was quick to hold Louis by the arm and make him fall along with him.

“You should shut me up then.”

Even in the dark room, Louis could see Harry’s eyes. Wide open, and with intent.

“Wha–”

He didn’t have time to actually say anything. Next thing he knew, Harry’s lips were on his, making him aware of how close he had fallen beside Harry, how close their faces were.

It made him more aware that Harry was kissing him and everything was spinning again, just like he had felt on the dance floor. It felt like all the alcohol he had managed to exhale from his body was back in, making him high, making him dizzy.

Louis didn’t know what to do.

One second he was frozen, body completely stiff.

The next one, as he gave into the moment, he felt Harry’s finger digging on his arm through his jacket, felt how soft Harry’s lips were, and he let Harry kiss him, relaxing under the touch, his eyes closing for just that second.

Then on the other, he realized how _stupidstupidstupid_ and careless and even more stupid he was being. He sucked in a breath, pulling away from Harry and opening his eyes again.

“Harry, you’re drun– we can– I can’t–” Louis was at a loss of words, he didn’t know what to say when his body was actually calling him stupid for pulling away but his mind was yelling at him to run away from there the fastest he could.

He felt Harry loosen his grip on him and then he saw Harry’s head rest with a soft thud on the mattress, with his eyes shut down and his breathing going up and down his chest.

Harry had fallen asleep. Just like that.

What the fuck had just happened?

Louis didn’t know what had happened. He didn’t want to think about it, even though he was dying to understand what the hell was going on with Harry.

He left the room in a rush, his previous thoughts of making sure Harry was okay had vanished along with everything else after Harry kissed him.

Drunkenly kissed him.

That was the only explanation for what had happened, as for why Harry had done that (and Louis didn’t even try to put that together with what had happened at Hotline too).

Louis didn’t dwell on that. He focused on the headache that was starting to grow inside his head instead of the fast beating of his heart. He tried to focus on how tired and sleepy he was instead of on how he was trying to find it hard breathe because maybe Harry had knocked out all air from him with one simple touch.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. Louis had been careful all night to avoid just that, but in the end it seemed it wasn’t all just up to him. It had been Harry who had taken that step forward, consciously or not.

Now, as he tried to sleep and forget that it had happened, Louis only thought about how it was up to him again to step back and never let anything like that happen again. He couldn’t, they couldn’t. And Louis only hoped that in the morning all would be forgotten.

(If Louis dreamed that night of green eyes and rosy lips and club lights and soft touches, he didn’t let his brain keep those memories)

 

*

 

It seemed Louis’ prayers had been heard.

As Sunday came and both boys left their rooms in the late morning, Louis tried to act as nonchalantly as possible (and also to hide his hangover as best as he could). Harry was in a much worse state and didn’t seem to mind that Andrew would probably notice he was hammered the night before.

“How did I get to my room?” Harry asked as he sat beside Louis on the couch with a bowl of cereal in hand.

Louis held the cup of tea he was drinking harder than he needed with both hands, and took a sip, giving himself a moment before he looked at Harry and finally answered.

“I helped you go up.”

Harry nodded with a spoon inside his mouth. “Thanks,” he said, still with a mouthful, swallowing his cereal before continuing. “I remember almost nothing. Last night is basically a blur.”

 _Oh thank fuck_ , Louis thought, taking another sip.

“I remember the club, drinking, obviously,” Harry continued, chuckling to himself, “then I remember getting inside the cab and then only waking up in the middle of the night lying in bed with my clothes on.”

If Harry was telling the truth, there wasn’t a way of Louis knowing because he wouldn’t bring up those parts Harry seemed to have erased from his mind.

“Then you didn’t miss much,” Louis commented, trying not to give away anything, because he could see Harry’s expectant eyes on his as if asking Louis to help him recall what had gone on.

“Nothing eventful?” Harry crossed his legs Indian style on the couch, still eating.

“No,” Louis avoided facing Harry, paying attention to the Family Guy episode that he found was on when he turned on the telly, “same as always. We danced, Steve played, we drank, w–you enjoyed yourself, it was a cool night,” Louis shrugged.

“Hmm,” Harry hummed as he ate another spoonful of cereal. Louis could feel Harry’s stare on him as he watched the cartoon in front of him. “So, I guess there was no trouble involved?”

Louis had to inhale sharply, disguising it with another sip from his cuppa. “Nope, we behaved.”

“Sad.” Louis glanced over to Harry to watch him swirl his spoon inside his bowl and if he noticed a dimpled smile on the boy’s face he tried to ignore it.

He tried to ignore everything, because he couldn’t deal with Harry possibly insinuating he wanted something to have happened, or maybe implying that he knew what happened but decided to ignore and tease him about it as well.

And so he did. He even brushed off Andrew’s remarks, when he finally appeared in the living room after coming back from his Sunday morning jog, about how late they had arrived and telling Harry off for drinking and only giving Louis a stern and furious look, as if Louis had been the responsible for that.

He ignored everything else after that Sunday morning, and the days that followed.

It was hard, but he said he was going to back down and establish again some distance between him and Harry, and so he tried. Even though he decided to do that, Harry seemed to continue acting as if nothing had happened (technically, for him, nothing had), trying to talk with Louis at any time they had on their own, falling back into that routine they had before, being friendly as before, wanting to share things with Louis.

But the more Harry tried to maintain what they had, the more Louis noticed how it wasn’t just that. Harry seemed more open than before, and closer, not only with what they talked about, but also physically, instigating a small touch on the arm here while talking or an accidental brush there while walking around the house.

Louis didn’t want that, though; he wanted to be the farthest away from Harry, because being close reminded him of how close they had been that Saturday night, how close to him he saw Harry before he kissed him and that wasn’t doing him any good. As much as he denied it, the truth was that he wanted it again, but he couldn’t. So, he focused on being more reserved, on being more closed off, but there was still something in the air that he couldn’t ignore.

Every time Harry started talking to him, it felt like he was going to ask Louis if he remembered anything else that happened that night. There was a sensation with every silent moment between them that there was something to talk about. There was, but Louis couldn’t put himself in the position to talk about it. With every lingering glance he could feel from Harry, it was like Harry was waiting for him to break and that was leaving Louis completely on edge.

Louis was tired and frustrated, a whole month passed with him trying to resist and to play it cool, but damn Harry Styles, he had his charm and his ways of making people do what he wanted; it was not his fault he sometimes would find himself giving in and retributing whatever signals Harry was giving him. It wasn’t helping Louis’ case at all.

It was also not helping Louis focus on anything else. He went back to his usual distracted self at the office with Andrew, which led to more snark comments his way, but most of them only during work, because when they were at home all Andrew did was observe very attentively how Harry and Louis behaved, always with an uncertain look on his face, which only left Louis even more itchy, thinking that Andrew knew, whatever it was that he knew.

Andrew’s wariness towards Louis was, somehow, on his side.

December had started with a new client at the office needing Andrew’s full attention, a very delicate case that involved a company situated all across England, which required a visit up North for an inspection at one of the branches. Louis knew Andrew would need more than one person from the office to go with him and he was already dreading the possibility of having to be the extra one, because it made sense: he wouldn’t have to pay Louis extra hours or extra expenses for having to spend a weekend working. Somehow, and luckily, Louis hadn’t been his choice.

That had given Louis more time to focus on his Uni stuff, which was piling up with the end of the term approaching – he was fully aware that it wasn’t because of his lack of commitment though, this one was all on him having a hard time focusing on it with Harry being a major and constant distraction in his life now.

That weekend apparently was going to be him, his laptop, his books and Harry alone in the house.

As much as it had been a blessing that he didn’t need to travel with Andrew, Louis didn’t know what to think about him being alone with Harry for two whole days. He had avoided being completely alone with Harry, specially during the previous weekends, using Uni works as an excuse to crash at some of his mates or simply asking Steve for refuge. He didn’t even have the mind to proper go out, knowing very well that any clubbing activity wouldn’t do him any good and he would just think about what had happened the one time he had gone out with Harry.

He also noticed that Harry had preferred to stay in as well and give Andrew some of his time again, going back to accompanying him to their weekend footie matches at Andrew’s club (“ _If I don’t, he’s gonna be a pain in my arse_ ,” Harry had told him one day after Andrew had informed – not asked – Harry that they were going not only to play football, but also golfing that weekend. “ _At least only until he stops holding it against me that I got drunk while going out clubbing. Don’t wanna give him another reason to scold me again_ ,” Harry had continued, even though Louis hadn’t even asked him about it. He noticed, more than once, how Harry was very insistent on just keep talking to Louis, whatever it was about, even when Louis pretended he wasn’t that interested).

With Andrew out of the house, it would’ve been the perfect opportunity for Harry to go out, perhaps cash in that rain check on his mate that had bailed on him that night. But for his luck, or misfortune, Harry decided to stay in. It was probably safer too, because if Andrew were to find out that he had gone out without his permission, things would be worse than they already were.

So, the only way for Louis to deal with being locked inside the house with Harry was to ignore him. He had an essay on music marketing and promotion due Monday, so he had a pretty good reason to stay in his room that whole Saturday, only leaving in the afternoon to grab a bottle of water and a few snacks in the kitchen so he wouldn’t starve. He completely ignored Harry sitting in the living room when he was on his way in and out of the kitchen, even if he heard the boy questioning him if he would ever leave his room and do something fun. It hurt acting like that, he couldn’t deny, but it was for his own good, otherwise if he let himself, even for a second get distracted by Harry, he knew he wouldn’t have any work finished soon.

It was later at night when Louis had long eaten some of the food he had brought to his room, had drunk all his water and his essay wasn’t nearly half done, that he decided he needed another break, going to the bathroom and grabbing some more water.

He had made his way out of toilet, after refreshing his face with some cold water, already feeling a small headache at the back of his head, when he started walking down the hallway to go downstairs and noticed that Harry’s door was slightly open. The corridor lights were off, so the only light illuminating the place was the one coming from the gap of Harry’s door.

Louis tried to ignore Harry’s presence in his room. He was probably reading or doing some school work himself, or maybe he had fallen asleep doing something else. It was already late anyway, Louis shouldn’t start wondering now what Harry had done with his day while he was stuck inside his own room.

He breathed deeply as he walked by Harry’s room, which was inevitable since it was the one closest to the end of the hallway. He was about to make the turn on the railing of the stairs when he heard a sound coming from the direction of Harry’s room.

Louis couldn’t make out what it was, because it was a bit muffled, but he was almost sure he had heard his name? He stopped in his tracks for a second, waiting just in case he heard the noise again. He decided it had been nothing, probably the floor creaking under his feet, and was about to start walking again when…

“ _Louis._ ”

Ok, that hadn’t been nothing. That hadn’t been even as muffled as it had been before.

That was Harry, clearly calling Louis. But it wasn’t as eloquent as a normal call. It was almost panted, almost breathless.

Louis didn’t know what to do. He suddenly felt his heart beating faster and his stomach twist. What could Harry possibly want from Louis? Had he heard Louis going to the bathroom and thought Louis was free for a chat after ignoring him the whole day? It was possible, but the way Harry had called him, it almost seemed like Harry was in pain and Louis didn’t want to think that maybe Harry was not feeling well and needed his help, because then he couldn’t keep ignoring him anymore.

Well, he couldn’t ignore it the second time Harry had called him, only because it was as breathless as before, but what followed had Louis practically snap his neck towards Harry’s door.

“ _Louis, ooh, mmmhm, fuck_.”

That was a moan.

That was a fucking moan.

What the hell.

If Louis’ heart had started beating faster before, now he was almost sure it had stopped beating altogether. His feet were stuck on the ground, but his body had turned completely to make him face Harry’s door and when he looked right at it, right at the gap where he could see the inside of Harry’s room, he didn’t know if he wanted to flee from there or continue to stand there seeing _that_.

It wasn’t right. It couldn’t be right. He shouldn’t be watching it. He couldn’t possibly be seeing what was happening inside of Harry’s room. As the door wasn’t completely open, he couldn’t see much, but what he could get a glimpse of was enough to make him feel dizzy and make his heart beat even harder against his chest.

There was Harry, on his bed, lying there on his side, facing the other side of the room, with one of his legs bent upwards and his bum bare, completely out, no clothes – no pants – covering them, his jeans tangled on the end of his legs, one of his arm reaching out behind himself, one finger going in and out from inside his arsehole.

Holy Fuck.

Louis almost felt like fainting at the same time he felt his cock twitch inside his trousers.

That was wrong.

Fucking hell, that was completely wrong.

Even if Harry wasn’t facing the door, even if Harry wasn’t seeing that Louis was watching, watching him fingering himself with Louis’ name still slipping out of his mouth, that was so wrong. Especially then.

Yet, Louis couldn’t move, not even when he saw Harry insert two fingers inside himself, which definitely made Louis’ cock react, getting harder every second he spent simply standing a few feet from Harry’s door.

Louis saw Harry squirming on the bed, trying to get a better angle on himself, his legs moving on the bed, getting his arse more upwards, almost getting on his knees to help his fingers push inside.

“ _Oh fuck, hmmm, fuck, mmmhm, Lou._ ”

Louis blinked at the obscene sounds that Harry was letting out, getting out of his daze, of the mental picture that Harry was imagining that Louis was the one doing that to him.

Louis couldn’t think about that. That couldn’t be happening. Jesus fuck, what was happening?

He already felt his cock hurting inside his pants for how hard it had gotten and the only way to release his frustration, Louis noticed, was how he was holding – crushing – the water bottle in his hand.

“Fuck,” he didn’t realise he had been able to let out any sound as he was still planted in front of Harry’s door.

He didn’t even know if it had been audible enough for Harry to listen, but for a split second, he saw Harry stop his movements and Louis panicked.

All his previous stupor, his previous state of not remembering how to walk came back to him the moment he thought he saw Harry turning his head towards the door and he ran.

Louis ran back to his room, not even thinking about the water he had been on the way of getting.

Fuck the water, fuck everything.

Fuck Harry.

Well, not exactly, because Harry was fucking himself thinking about Louis and…

Louis didn’t even know what to think of that. He couldn’t think of anything else as he got to his room in barely two seconds and locked himself inside. He tossed the water bottle on top of his desk and went directly to his bed, sitting there and not sparing any time to undo his trousers.

Fuck everything, because Louis wasn’t thinking straight and he had just seen Harry fingering himself with _his_ name in his mouth – Harry, who had been the cause of Louis’ frustration for more than six months now; Harry, who Louis had been dreaming about for so long; Harry, who Louis had been trying to be reasonable about for the past weeks; Harry, who Louis had been trying to convince himself didn’t feel anything for him; Harry, who had flirted with Louis and had tried to kiss him; Harry, who Louis was irrationally falling for.

Fuck.

Louis wasn’t ashamed to start working on his hard on with Harry’s image on top of his mind, actually imagining Harry on top of him right now, not fingering himself anymore, but fucking himself into Louis, opened enough from his previous two – maybe three now – fingers.

Louis was doomed. Louis was going to hell, that was for sure, because everything he had been fighting against had crumbled right in front of him.

Louis’ hold and pace on his cock started to get bolder and faster and that sinking and consuming feeling in the pit of his stomach was there in no time and no sooner than he closed his eyes and thought about Harry’s green eyes looking down at him, he felt himself coming.

He let himself fall backwards on the bed, breathing heavily. He led his free and clean hand to his forehead, drying the sweat off his fringe, closing his eyes and rubbing his palm over them at the throbbing feeling he could feel in the back of his head – his headache was clearly at full now. His sensitive cock was also still throbbing in his come covered hand and Louis almost wanted to scream thinking about what he had just done, about what had just happened.

There was frustration growing on him, even more than before, but there was also shame and an uncertainty of what to do next, of how to act next, because certainly being there, inside a house where he knew Harry Styles also fantasized about him wasn’t going to work.

Louis had to do something about it. He had to get the hell out of there before things got worse.

Right now though, he couldn’t do anything. All he could do was hide in his room for as long as he could and try to keep the memory of the recent events away from his mind.

Right now, all he could do was fall asleep, his essay be damned and his need to eat or drink water all forgotten.

Right now, he needed to forget about Harry Styles.

 

*

 

Two torturous weeks was what Louis had to face before he could really do anything to forget what had happened.

He couldn’t really forget that, but he needed to move on, he needed to try to act normally, try to live his life without thinking about Harry, without thinking about the repercussions of seeing Harry doing… _that_.

On Sunday, he followed his plans of hiding himself inside his room – at least he managed to get his essay finished (but also, if that led to him wanking once or twice still thinking about Harry while all alone in his room, he could only curse himself). When Andrew got back and they headed to the office on Monday, Louis didn’t spare a look at Harry during breakfast, but tried to be polite enough to answer his good morning. He couldn’t ignore Harry completely, or else the boy would notice something was wrong, and Louis couldn’t have that because he already had a feeling that Harry knew he had watched him, but he couldn’t risk actually knowing for sure.

The rest of the week, Louis continued not giving Harry his full attention – it was even less than he had given him the days that followed after the kiss incident. This time, he could also give a real excuse to Harry as to why he was distant and most of the times always in bedroom – his finals from Uni were approaching and if he wanted to get out of the Styles’ house, he couldn’t have more things to worry about and failing his classes at Uni couldn’t be that.

So he buried himself in his books, texts, and works when he was at home, barely catching sight of Harry the whole week, but whenever they saw each other, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Harry was too smug. He kept smiling at Louis the same way he had always done, and that was what was fucking Louis up even more, because he wanted that smile and that soft look from the boy to have no effect on him, but it felt like they were hypnotising, they were catching his attention even more than before. It was like Louis was getting even more trapped under Harry’s spell, as if Harry was a mermaid, attracting Louis into the sea only to murder him after – because that was what Louis could only see in front of him: he would be doomed if he relented.

He held on as much as he could for that week and on Saturday, without even letting Andrew or Harry know, he escaped to Steve’s flat.

It wasn’t another proud moment for Louis to admit that Harry was the bane of his existence and that he went back to hating that house and working with Andrew and hated everything because he didn’t see any future where he would be doing what he liked, what he wanted to do while still living in that situation.

“Dude, I’ve already told you this more times than I can remember,” Steve said as they drank a pint together after Steve came back from his gig on Saturday night (Yeah, they were having beer at barely 5 am, judge him all he wanted, but Louis needed it). “I know my flat is not like, huge or anything, but there’s enough space for you and if you gave me a hand with the concerts, that would be ace.”

“I know that, but,” Louis sighed, already feeling his head fuzzy, “I don’t have money to pay you to live here, and I’m not taking for granted your help in actually thinking about giving me a job, but, it will be something once a week that won’t give me enough money to survive when I also have to send money to my grandma and sisters.”

Louis felt Steve’s hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “How long are you gonna keep giving yourself that excuse?” Louis looked up to see Steve giving him a pointed look. “I’m offering you a temporary solution, for, I don’t know, the first few months until you find yourself another job that can help you. I’m pretty sure your nan would understand and she would want you to be doing something that’s gonna make you happier instead of suffering and being fucking miserable.”

Louis sighed again because it was true, but still… getting out of the stability he already had, to launch himself into the uncertainty of not having a steady job and life was scary. But he knew it would be scarier to keep living and working with Andrew, it would be incredibly dangerous to keep living under the same roof as Harry Styles.

“Being there is only soaking you up and is it really worth it?” Louis took a sip from his bottle, gulping hardly at the thought of what was actually worth in his life at that moment.

Nurturing feelings for Harry when he didn’t know what was really going on between them, when he knew he couldn’t have them… was it really worth keep living as miserably as he was now? Also knowing that he and Harry weren’t meant to be there, both of them wanting to do things that wouldn’t keep them in London forever?

Louis shook his head because speaking out loud meant accepting that he had to move on from Harry, had to move on from the situation he was in.

“You have one more week and then you’re going to Doncaster, right?” Steve didn’t let the silence answer for Louis.

“Yeah, Andrew gave me til the New Year’s off, at least I’ll be away from everything during my birthday.”

“So, use this time away to put your mind in the right place, bro. Talk with your nan and if you ever change your mind, my flat is always open to you, whenever you need it.” Louis saw Steve smiling at him, a smile that comforted Louis and made him feel just the tiniest hopeful that maybe he could turn his shitty life around.

He would follow Steve’s advice. He just needed to survive one more week living and working with the Styles and also doing his final exams.

Louis barely had time to think about anything else, about anything that would distract himself (one thing, namely Harry). He barely saw Harry that week and that already made him feel more relieved. He couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t weird not to interact with him even the slightest, but if he was actually going to go through with his plans of leaving the Styles’ house, he would need to get used to not being around Harry anymore. He needed to get used to letting go of what he felt for Harry. It wouldn’t be easy, but Louis was determined to do it, for his own sake.

When the next weekend arrived and he was finally free from Uni and his job with Andrew, he couldn’t wait to get onto the train and head to Doncaster and leave everything behind, any worry, any distress, any frustration, any thought about Harry that had tried to make its way around Louis’ mind the past days when he least expected it.

He thought that he would be able to leave the house that Saturday morning unnoticed, but as he was waiting in the living room for his cab to arrive, Harry appeared, coming down the stairs still in his pajamas.

It took everything in Louis not to pay too much attention to Harry. It would be the first time since that eventful Saturday night that they would actually be alone in the same room and Louis didn’t know what to do. He tried to stay calm, though, tried to act as if it was normal for them to be interacting with each other again after weeks of nothing.

“You going already?” Harry asked, approaching Louis slowly, stopping by the back of the armchair Andrew usually sat, which was just in front of the couch Louis was sitting.

“In a few, the cab is gonna arrive soon,” Louis allowed himself to look at Harry as he answered, trying not to stare for too long.

“Oh, right, so,” he saw Harry biting down his lips as he walked closer to Louis, hands behind himself as he made his way. Louis could feel that he was a little bit hesitant, “I guess I won’t have another opportunity to give you this then,” he finally brought his hand to his front, holding a red envelope and handing it to Louis.

Louis eyed the envelope suspiciously, but accepted it nonetheless.

“As you won’t be here for your birthday and Christmas, I thought I could, I dunno, just give you these. It’s not a gift per se, but…”

Louis had never seen Harry so timid towards him. It almost felt like he had gone back to that boy Louis had been used to before they started properly talking. It was weird, because now Louis had gotten used to another Harry, a Harry that he needed his distance from.

“Oh, thanks,” Louis managed to say, already trying to open the envelope when suddenly Harry’s hand was on top of his.

“No!” Harry almost shouted and Louis watched him curiously, with a brow arched, not understanding Harry’s behavior, the weight of Harry’s hand on his too much for him to actually pay much attention as to why Harry was acting so weird. “I mean,” Harry cleared his throat and retrieved his hand slowly, his hands brushing over Louis’ skin, “don’t. Not right now. It’s for your birthday, so… I’d rather you open it only after. Then, when you come back, you can… thank me, I guess.” Harry shrugged, sheepishly.

Louis gulped, feeling guilt at the thought that he probably wasn’t coming back to that house anymore.

“Hm, alright,” Louis agreed nevertheless, because he wouldn’t be impolite. If Harry had been thoughtful enough to care about giving Louis a birthday/Christmas card, he could appreciate it, could appreciate the gesture in a friendly way.

Even though being friends was far from what they were or had ever been – Louis was almost sure Harry didn’t only think about him that way, maybe he had never thought about him like that either. If he could only think that they could be friendly with each other, maybe it would be easier to leave the house without feeling too shameful of what had happened. He would have good memories from Harry to remember besides that one that refused to leave his mind almost every night.

Harry was about to say something in return when Louis heard a car horn in front of the house and that was probably his cab waiting for him.

“Well, I’d better go,” Louis got his bag from where he had left it beside him on the couch and got up, placing it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, you do.” There was a sad tone to Harry’s voice that Louis’ tried not to mind that much. “Have a nice holiday, Lou. Happy birthday and happy Christmas,” Harry bit his lips even more nervously than before and Louis did his best not to feel bad about it, about leaving Harry behind, about wanting to forget about him.

“You too, Harry,” Louis nodded in his direction, giving him a small smile before turning to the door.

“It’s gonna suck without you here,” Louis heard Harry saying, very softly, as if he didn’t intend for Louis to actually catch that.

Louis held the doorknob for a second, holding his breath and closing his eyes to gather the courage to look back at Harry.

“You’ll make it, Curly, don’t miss me too much,” he tried to say in the most relaxed way, letting out the joking tone to lessen the heavy moment that had hung between them.

When Harry gave him a smile, Louis saw his green eyes shine again, Louis knew he needed to leave right away, because he didn’t have time to let Harry get under his skin as easily as that once again.

He wouldn’t be backing down now and the sooner he left the house, the less time he would have to regret his decision.

 

*

 

Going to Doncaster was clearly all Louis needed to pull himself together.

It was there, spending time with his younger sisters, helping his grandma take care of them, to take care of the house, to prepare dinner and making plans for Christmas that Louis noticed his life didn’t need to be as horrible as he had made it.

He talked to his nan, about wanting to move out from Andrew’s house and leave his job, hiding the main reason why he wanted to do that, but not leaving out the details that he didn’t like it one bit, that he had tried to keep his mother’s wish, but he wasn’t cut for the job the same way she had been for so many years. He had other goals, other dreams that if he kept wasting his time with Andrew, he would never achieve them. His only concern was how he would keep helping his family if he left it all behind.

Louis’ nan reassured him that he should follow what he felt right doing. If he wasn’t content with how his life was at that moment, he couldn’t keep living like that, because as much his mother had only wanted him to have a stable future thinking that working and living with Andrew would help him with that, she wouldn’t want him to keep doing something he loathed just so he wouldn’t disappoint her.

“Your happiness always comes first, Louis, that’s what matters in the end,” his grandma had said, patting him on the knee gently as they shared a cuppa sitting on the back deck that led to her back garden, watching Louis’ sisters play with the little snow that had fallen during the night. “And don’t worry about money, my darling. We can make it with what you’ve sent us and with what your mother has left, that’s not what’s important anyway. You go after what you want, my sweet boy. I know how much you care about us, but it’s time for you to stop putting others and what others think about you before yourself so you can live your own life. That’s what your mother would’ve wanted.”

Louis smiled softly at her, her wise words warming him up, leaving him with a bittersweet feeling, because he knew that would be exactly what his mother would’ve said.

He was glad he had a family that supported him and stood by his side when he seemed lost on what to do, even if they couldn’t be present anymore. Somehow, he knew they would always look after him.

Talking with his grandma helped Louis settle his decision in moving out of Andrew’s house, even if in the back of his mind there was still a little voice telling him that by doing that, Harry would not be in his life anymore. But that was the point, wasn’t it? He couldn’t keep playing games between him and Harry, even if Harry seemed to be on his side.

The signals that Harry had been trying to send, wanting to be something more than just friends with Louis were all there, but still, Louis couldn’t figure out the boy yet. He was too afraid to jeopardize what he had in the Styles’ household, that’s why he would never act on it, act on Harry. And if Louis kept waiting for Harry to stop playing games with him, doing whatever it was that he was doing (flirting with him, trying to kiss him, fingering himself thinking about Louis) without any real intention of moving forward, Louis couldn’t take it.

And Louis had been more certain he wouldn’t be able to deal with Harry anymore when his birthday came and he finally decided to open the envelope Harry had given him before leaving. He couldn’t deny he had wanted to open it before, but if he could give the boy one last thing, it was his word, so he controlled himself and kept the envelope unopened inside his bag until late at night when he was alone in his grandma’s spare room.

Thank fuck he was alone because he didn’t know what he would’ve done if anybody had seen the face he made as he retrieved the [two](https://www.etsy.com/listing/237896412/make-a-wish-and-blow-funny-birthday-card?ref=shop_home_active_19) [cards](https://www.etsy.com/listing/496430113/wrap-it-up-and-put-a-bow-on-it-str-130?ref=related-5) Harry had given him. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if anybody had seen the cards.

He didn’t know what to do or what to think of them.

What the hell was Harry thinking about when he decided to give Louis those?

Louis was even more confused than he had ever been before regarding Harry.

But maybe he shouldn’t be, because there was nothing confusing about Harry’s messages. They were very loud and clear. Unless that was a sick joke and Harry still wanted to play with Louis.

That couldn’t be though, because putting everything together, placing all that had happened, reliving that doomed night in the back of his mind, it couldn’t just be a joke. It seemed Harry knew how Louis had felt this whole time, it seemed he too had been paying attention to Louis. It seemed that Harry hadn’t unconsciously kissed him, it seemed that he had planned for Louis to catch him in the act.

“ _Then, when you come back, you can… thank me, I guess,_ ” Harry had said and Louis wanted to scream because Harry had said that already knowing that Louis would be affected by the cards, and the note that came with them left no more doubts.

_As you’re gonna be away, I wanted to give you something else than just the memory of me moaning your name to spend the holidays. I hope you know that when you come back, you won’t need to watch it from afar, if you want to. And we could do much more, much more than just an almost forgotten kiss – the cards are just suggestions._

_Happy Birthday and Happy Christmas_

_H xx_

Harry wasn’t kidding at all. He was onto something, intentionally, and Louis had been too naive to ignore everything. Harry had been clearly determined on making a move on Louis, but all of that was only leaving Louis even more frustrated than he already was about what he felt towards Harry, when he had already made up his mind, definitely.

He couldn't go back, he couldn’t give in to Harry’s charm or flirting, or whatever that was that he was doing, because it wasn’t safe. Even though Louis wanted it, it wasn’t safe for him to try going after what Harry was offering him. He had already made too much of a fool of himself and he was in too deep. He needed to move on, he needed to live his life without a pair of green eyes hunting him wherever he went or whatever he did.

It was time he let go of his feelings for Harry – for his and for Harry’s good as well.

It was past the time for him to get his shit together. There was no more dwelling, Louis had to do it.

 

*

 

The first thing Louis did when he finally settled on his decision was call Steve and ask him if his offer was still up. Of course Steve said yes, so the only thing left for him to do was tell Andrew that he was quitting his job and moving out. That he only did as he was already on his train back to London, because he didn’t want to give Andrew any chance of telling Harry that he was going away (and also because he didn’t want to give Andrew the satisfaction to humiliate him for longer than necessary. He told Andrew, he got pissed at Louis and Louis would move on and forget about it, simple as that) – and he also made sure he returned on a day Harry was already back at school, so he could go to the Styles’ house and grab his stuff without meeting Harry again.

He didn’t know what he would do or what Harry would do if they saw each other and the weight of Harry’s messages and actions fell between them.

Louis was determined to put a stop to what he felt for Harry, because it was too much and the way things had escalated, Louis knew it wouldn’t end well. He needed his space from Harry and maybe Harry needed his space from Louis too, so both of them could move on, so none of them would feel trapped into each other’s lives.

And that was what Louis tried to do after he stepped away one last time from that house.

He stepped away and didn’t look back, didn’t dwell on if he was actually doing the right thing, didn’t think about how Harry would feel when he would find out that Louis wasn’t there anymore and wouldn’t go back.

He went to Steve’s and felt a weight lift from his shoulders, being able to breathe freely without having to watch every move he made and every thought he had.

It was the best Louis had ever felt in a long time and even if it sucked that he would have to start everything from scratch, he would make it, he would have to make it because he deserved to give himself the chance of actually living his life.

The first month was a struggle for him, having to juggle going back to Uni and already trying to join the activities offered there, looking for an actual job, and all the while also helping Steve every weekend with his gigs, which wasn’t as bad as it seemed, because it gave Louis a free pass inside every club Steve would play. He only actually needed to help Steve set up his equipment and the rest of the night he could enjoy himself, actually enjoy himself – something that hadn’t happened in months.

At first he was afraid he would bump into Harry at some of the clubs they would attend, but from what he could remember, Harry didn’t use to frequent any other aside from Divine, which he was almost sure he could only get there because maybe that friend of his was the only one who could get him inside. Any other club would be much more restrictive to anyone underage getting inside, so Louis was probably safe from meeting Harry around.

Louis could finally feel relieved, could finally go back to being himself and doing the things he wanted and enjoyed without feeling trapped. But at the same time, it was bittersweet, because the more free he felt, the more he noticed that being away from Harry and trying to forget about him was more difficult than he thought.

He realised that what he felt for Harry wasn’t something silly. It was there, already cemented inside him when he had done his hardest to conceal it all those months he spent near him. He had fallen for Harry, hard, but now he had to deal with it, deal with the decision he had made and he needed to keep trying to move on. It wasn’t easy, but he was managing to do it as best as he could.

When February approached, Louis had already gotten used to the routine he had established in his life and he already knew the clubs Steve played inside out, knew everyone who worked at those places, he already knew Steve’s setlist from heart and what songs people would usually scream out loud to or just dance the night away. He had been completely immersed in that element and it was helping him enjoy being more involved in the music production process than actually in the music making one, actually helping him decide which path to follow after he finished Uni.

Thinking about his future was helping him think less of Harry and he was glad for that, but when Steve told him that the week of Valentine’s day Hotline had invited him to play there, Louis almost couldn’t contain the flood of memories of the last time he had been there with Harry. He tried not to let those memories ruin the place for him, and focused on not thinking if he would ever see Harry at the nightclub again.

Louis was impressed when they arrived at Hotline to see how it was already full of people and he was glad it was that way, because he couldn't wait to get lost in the middle of that sea of people after he was done helping Steve, so he could forget anything that would remind him of Harry.

That night, Steve’s set was a little different due to the theme of the party – he would still play some of his originals but he decided to also include some classic love songs with some remixes he had prepared.

When Steve got to his position behind the DJ booth and announced himself, the crowd went wild and Louis knew that was his cue to go to the dance floor.

It didn’t take long for Louis to start losing and also to loose himself, grabbing a drink and then letting go, bodies swaying around him, making him think about nothing but how dancing was the best remedy to forget about all worries and unwanted thoughts.

 _[Don't be afraid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE3GjPCYo2g) _ _to dance_ _  
_ _Don't be afraid to take a chance_

 _Break me up, break me down_  
_Turn my life upside down_  
_Brush it off, there and then_  
_Pick my life up again_

 _I'll still keep on dancing_  
_I'll still keep on dancing_

If Louis admitted to himself, that night was the most fun he had had since he started working with Steve, the vibe of the crowd was contagious and even though most of people were there with partners or looking for some hook up for the sake of Valentine’s day, Louis didn’t let that affect himself.

That night wasn’t about that for him. Even if some bloke approached him, he didn’t engage much with anyone. What he wanted was to dance, only dance with anyone who would be near him, getting tipsier with every drink he’d get at the bar every now and then when Steve would put a slower song.

And there was where he found himself after exhaustively dancing with a very giddy group of women who were having a hen do. He stopped by the bar only to get a bottle of beer to refresh himself, distractedly looking around the dance floor, bopping his head to the next song Steve had started to play when something caught his eyes.

 _[Light years](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGaCX8AJofg) _ _we've come to call upon you now_  
_We can see you standing in the crowd_  
_Light years we've come to call upon you now_  
_We can see you standing in the crowd_

 _We are making contact, calling from the stars_  
_And you know who we are_  
_We are making contact, calling from the stars_  
_And you know who we are_

He didn’t know if it was the pace of the song or if everything around him had suddenly come into slow motion, because he couldn’t see anything but a pair of eyes looking right at him from the crowd, a pair of eyes that he had tried at all costs to avoid thinking about.

He couldn’t mistake Harry’s glassy green eyes, he couldn’t mistake Harry’s rosy and flushed cheeks, he couldn’t mistake Harry’s curls even if he was seeing them held with a scarf around his head. He was wearing a red plaid shirt over a plain white tee and tight black jeans, Louis could notice when Harry started making his way towards him.

Louis didn’t know how his brain was still functioning, because all he knew was that he hadn’t given any orders for his legs to start walking, they were moving on their own accord towards Harry too and fuck, what was his doing?

It was like all it took was a look from Harry and Louis was under his spell again, as if he hadn’t spent the past couple of months trying to tell himself that he could live his life without Harry in it.

That was a lie, Louis realized now, because he could feel his heart beating faster than it had ever beaten, all his senses seemed to be functioning at the same time, but also, it seemed like he was feeling nothing at all. All he knew was that Harry was almost right in front of him and what that would entitle, what would happen next, he wasn’t really much worried about.

“Finally found you.” Louis barely heard Harry’s voice when he got closer, and Louis had to try to make out what he had said looking right at his lips because the loud bass of the song was ringing in his ears.

“Didn’t know I was being looked for,” Louis gulped dryly, leading the bottle of beer he didn’t notice he had taken from the bar to his mouth and drinking from it.

“Only because you didn’t want to be found, otherwise you wouldn’t have left without saying anything, am I right?” Harry tilted his head, giving Louis a small lopsided smile.

Fuck, that smile shouldn’t make Louis’ insides twist.

“I…,” Louis didn’t quite know what to respond, he didn’t know if he should be explaining himself to Harry. It was probably very clear why he had done what he did. “I had to, I couldn’t stay there anymore.”

“Why?” Harry’s eyes were looking attentively at Louis. They were calm, it didn’t seem Harry was demanding an explanation from Louis. Louis didn’t owe him anything, but both knew there we unspoken things left between them.

“I hated it,” Louis spoke, truly. “I couldn’t do that anymore, couldn’t work with your father anymore, couldn’t live with y–”

“With me?” Harry was quick to interrupt Louis and he tried to pretend it didn’t feel like a knife had been twisted right in the middle of his heart. “Was I too much, Louis? Did I cross the line? Did I see more than there was? Can you please tell me, because I’ve been eating myself up all this time thinking that I screwed everything up between us.”

Louis wasn’t expecting that kind of confession, he wasn’t expecting Harry to pour out how he felt to him like that, because he hadn’t allowed himself to think about how Harry had felt after he left. He thought it would be better to pretend that maybe for Harry what was happening between them was only a game, was only for fun, but now, standing right in front of Louis, so much closer to each other, as close as it had been that other time they had been to Hotline together, Louis could see the honesty in Harry’s eyes, could hear the nervousness in his voice even though the sound of the music was not helping them to have a heart-to-heart in the middle of the dance floor.

Only then did Louis notice the song had already changed and it took him a beat to pay attention to it and realise that it wasn’t one of Steve’s originals.

[ _Turnaround_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPjGOW4gzes) _, every now and then I get a little bit lonely_ _  
_ _And you're never coming round_

“Please, Louis, just tell me if I came on too strong and scared you off, or if what I noticed that was going on between us wasn’t what I made it to be, because I’m tired of blaming myself for making you run away from me,” Harry was almost pleading when he noticed Louis was silent and the confident look he had on his face when he first approached Louis was gone.

 _Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit tired_ _  
_ _Of listening to the sound of my tears_

It hurt Louis to see Harry that way and he definitely hadn’t intended to make Harry feel like that, not there, not ever. That wasn’t the place nor the time for them to be having that kind of conversation, but it seemed they were already talking about it and Louis had to spit it all out somehow.

He took all courage he had and reached a hand out to hold Harry by the arm, gesturing him to go with him to the back of the club where the music wasn’t so loud and people usually went to take some time from the dance floor. He mindlessly left the bottle of beer he was holding back on the bar and led Harry with him.

“I ran away because I needed to, Harry,” Louis started talking once they stopped, leaning against the wall. Harry was standing in front of him again, not too close as before but neither too far from him. He was still looking attentively at Louis, never taking his eyes off him. “I ran away not because of you, but because of myself, because I didn’t think what was happening between us was right, not with you being Andrew’s son… I didn’t think I could handle it,” Louis finally managed to say. “I ran away from you because I was scared, not of you, but of myself, because I had been feeling something for you for so long that I didn’t know what to do thinking that you were giving it back to me, because I didn’t want you to give it to me... because if I were to let myself go for you, I would never move on with my life, I would be forever stuck under your father’s roof, and I also didn’t want to hold you back from living your life and enjoying yourself, because you still have so much to do, Harry. But I also was afraid, because I didn’t want to give myself false hopes that you’d correspond whatever I felt for you. I never thought you would, and when you started, when I noticed you were acting differently with me, I thought you were only having fun, playing with me.”

 _Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit nervous_ _  
_ _That the best of all the years have gone by_

Harry shook his head, closing his eyes and shifting just a little bit closer to Louis.

“I was never playing with you, Louis. I’d never do that,” he opened his eyes again, and offered a sincere look at Louis. “I’m sorry it looked like that, I’m sorry I was too much too soon. I should’ve have stayed in my lane and let things happen naturally, because I could feel there was something between us, I hoped there would be something between us from the moment you showed up at our house and I was only terrified you’d never feel anything for me, so I acted, trying to show you that I was willing to get to know you better and willing to do anything you’d like, anything to make you like me.”

Harry almost looked embarrassed to admit that and God, it was killing Louis because Harry was trying to prove himself to Louis when he didn’t even need to. Louis would’ve taken anything Harry had to offer him at any given moment.

 _Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit terrified_ _  
_ _And then I see the look in your eyes_

“It took us too long to realise that we were on the same page and it appears because of that, we let too much happen between us,” Louis took a tentative step forward, entering Harry’s personal space. That close, he could feel Harry’s breathing getting erratic and he could feel himself sweating and shaking with anticipation. “We left too many things unsaid when we could’ve had it a long time before, it seems, because for me, Harry, the moment I set foot inside your house, I thought I’d never be able to take my eyes off you and I knew I would be damned right away, I knew I’d let myself fall and fall apart for you.”

 _Turnaround bright eyes, but every now and then I fall apart_ _  
_ _Turnaround bright eyes, every now and then I fall apart_

Louis saw the moment Harry’s eyes glinted, saw the moment Harry broke all distance between them and looked from Louis’ eyes to his mouth. Louis felt Harry’s hand coming to cup his face, his thumb brushing over his cheek and the other shakingly holding Louis by the waist, backing him up a little against the wall.

Louis’ didn’t flinch at the contact, he almost went pliant under Harry’s hands, only staring back at him, breathing him in.

“And I let myself fall for you too,” Harry’s face got dangerously close to him, nose brushing against his. “I only wished I hadn't actually fallen on my bed drunk the way I was when I kissed you that night.”

“We don’t need to repeat that, we can do it differently right now,” Louis said before closing his eyes and finally closing the space between his and Harry’s lips.

 _And I need you now tonight_ _  
_ _And I need you more than ever_

 _And if you only hold me tight_ _  
_ _We'll be holding on forever_

It didn’t feel like that drunken kiss. It didn’t feel like anything Louis had felt before.

It felt like everything that had gone wrong in his life, everything he knew couldn’t be right, had finally fallen into place for him. Everything made sense, because Harry’s lips fit his perfectly and Harry’s hold was gentle and caring and Louis would never want to be anywhere else but there, in Harry’s arms, in that moment holding him back tightly, his hands going up to rest around Harry’s neck, trying to deepen the kiss.

 _And we'll only be making it right_ _  
_ _'Cause we'll never be wrong together_

 _We can take it to the end of the line_ _  
_ _Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)_

And Harry allowed him to, giving them time and space to fit better with each other, letting their tongues find each other and if it already seemed right, Louis didn’t know what else he was feeling at that moment. There was a burst of feelings inside of him, as if everything he felt was going to consume him because it was all too much to feel Harry like that, to finally have Harry like that after only dreaming of it for so long.

 _I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark_ _  
_ _We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks_

And it seemed that for Harry it was the same, because he couldn’t have enough of Louis, he couldn’t stop kissing him, chasing him deeper, squeezing his hand on his waist, moving his hand from his face to the back of his neck, tangling his fingers in Louis’ locks, pressing Louis’ harder against the wall.

It felt like they were going to explode with all the tension and bottled up feelings that there was between them, which they were finally letting go from.

 _I really need you tonight_ _  
_ _Forever's gonna start tonight_

“Lou… Louis,” Harry tried to speak, letting himself break apart from Louis just a bit, but still giving small pecks on his lips, then moving to his cheek, jaw and neck, “please tell me this is not gonna be just it.”

Louis froze at Harry’s words, because how could Harry think about that when Louis had just told him how much and for how long he had wanted him.

“Why would you think that?” Louis pulled away to face Harry, his hands moving from Harry’s neck to hold him by the waist.

Louis could see a hint of fear in Harry’s expression with the way he bit down on his lips when he looked up at Louis again. “You said you didn’t think you could do anything about what you felt for me because I’m my father’s son, you said you didn’t want to hold me back from anything… but I’m still me, and you seem not to want anything to do with my father. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you never wanted to see him again, not after how I imagine he must’ve treated you when you left.” Harry looked downcast, avoiding meeting Louis’ eyes again.

“You are not your father, Harry,” Louis tried to reassure him, because he couldn’t let Harry think that any of that would be in the way of them being together, if they were to be together. “Before, I didn’t think I could do anything because I was working for your dad, living under his roof and I was afraid I would lose all that if your father found out there was ever something between us. I don’t care about what he thinks of me, I don’t care that he cursed me and all my future generations calling me an ungrateful bastard and more on the phone. Your father won’t change what I feel for you,” Louis smiled, bringing one hand to hold Harry by his chin, making those green eyes, more cheerful now, look at him again. “I won’t let him taint what we could have… if you want to have something with me, that’s it.”

_Forever's gonna start tonight_

“I do,” Harry didn’t wait a second to answer that, quickly locking his lips with Louis’ again on a soft peck. “And you can be sure he won’t be in our way. Soon he won’t have a say in anything I do anymore, he already knows he doesn’t, I made it very clear for him on my birthday,” Harry smiled at Louis, his thumb tracing circles on the back of Louis’ neck.

Oh. Harry’s birthday. Louis had forgotten about that.

“So, you’re eighteen already?” Louis smirked at him. “Oh, that’s why you’re here then, no need for any fake ID anymore?”

“Yup,” Harry giggled, kissing Louis’ on the cheek and then up to his jawline, getting close to his ear. “It was the first thing I wanted to do, to come here, hoping to find you again.”

“And you did, against all the odds, you did,” Louis enveloped Harry by the waist completely, hugging him tightly, burying his face on his neck.

 _Once upon a time I was falling in love_ _  
_ _But now I'm only falling apart_

 _And there's nothing I can do_ _  
_ _A total eclipse of the heart_

“I told myself I wouldn’t give up until I saw you again,” Harry inhaled deeply, “I couldn’t think of anything else but you for these past couple of months. When I said it was gonna suck without you there, I didn’t know that was gonna be completely true. It didn’t just suck, it crushed me and I didn’t know what to do with myself without you there, because you helped me feel better in my own house, Lou. It wasn’t the same without you, I wasn’t the same without you, because with you, I finally felt complete,” Harry shrugged, defeatedly and unashamedly and Louis tried to contain the smile that was growing on his face to hear that, “and also, I couldn’t let the last time we saw each other be one in which I completely embarrassed myself,” he laughed faintly and Louis suddenly remembered the gift cards Harry had given him.

 _Once upon a time there was light in my life_ _  
_ _But now there's only love in the dark_

 _Nothing I can say_ _  
_ _A total eclipse of the heart_

“You really outdid yourself with those, I must admit,” Louis chuckled against Harry’s neck and looked back at him again. “I didn’t know if I was frustrated or if I should feel happy or honored somehow with those. Sometimes you can be very straightforward when you want, despite the months we spent living in the dark about what we felt for each other.”

“Oops, sorry,” he gave Louis an innocent look, one Louis knew was completely fake.

“I bet you’re not actually sorry,” Louis shot him a pointed look.

“No, not really,” Harry bit down on his lips and brought his hand back to cup Louis’ face, now brushing his thumb over Louis’ lips before he leaned in and kissed him again.

Louis let him, because he would never be able to resist Harry again, not when they had managed to fall in love together and make it right when everything seemed wrong and against them, when Louis didn’t think he could be this happy, finally having Harry with him.

“We’re gonna make it work, Curly, okay?” Louis said when he broke the kiss to look one more time at Harry.

Harry rested his forehead against Louis’ and those green eyes were staring right into his, those bright green eyes Louis was sure he would never get tired of looking at.

“Yeah, we will.”

_(Turn around) bright eyes_

 

* *

 

The sun was going down as the car made its way down the road.

It had been another hot summer day, another tiring day of moving boxes and appliances and furniture around.

It had been another day Harry had been exhausted, but happy at the same time.

Louis was driving the car, both their windows were rolled down and at least the wind was refreshing enough, making Harry forget about the hot air that had been around them all day.

Harry glanced from the outside of the car to Louis, who was bobbing his head to the rhythm of the song that was coming from the radio, from the playlist they had put together, smiling down at their entwined hands on Louis' lap.

 _[I don't know](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7xdHY8HK9Y) what it is_  
_That makes me feel alive_  
_I don't know how to wake_  
_The things that sleep inside_  
_I only wanna see the light_  
_That shines behind your eyes_

Six months before, Harry would have never expected to be exactly where he was. Well, maybe he had known where he would be, but not how and with whom.

He certainly expected to be out of London, away from the things that kept him from actually living his life the way he had always wanted, away from a father that expected too much of him without actually knowing what was best for his own son, envisioning a future for him only based on the same predictable life he had always had, without knowing what his son really wanted.

Harry had never wanted that. Harry had always wanted bigger things, always wanted different things. If his mother’s words had stuck with him, it was because she had been the only person to believe that Harry could make it.

_“One day, I’ll see these beautiful pictures you take in magazines, in books, in the paper, all across the country, my love. And I’ll pin them along with all those silly ones you took when you were little only thinking they were for fun. They are all art, Harry, you are art, my dear boy.” She had smiled softly at Harry, the boy not missing the opportunity to capture his mother’s tender face on his lens._

That was, until Louis.

 _I hope that I can say the things I wish I'd said_  
_To sing my soul to sleep and take me back to bed  
You want to be alone when we could be alive instead_

It seemed that the moment Harry found Louis again, he had also found himself again.

He knew he had been silly, doing the things he had done to Louis for all those months, but nobody could actually blame him just because he didn’t know how to act or what to do around the boy he had been falling for. Nobody could blame his teenage self for doing stupid things.

It had been two months of putting the blame on himself and thinking that he had ruined everything that had happened, thinking that what had grown between them was over, that he would never get a chance to see Louis again and talk to him and say what he really felt because of him being too creepy, too forward, crossing the (many) lines between them.

Feeling as pathetic as he did, it helped him settle that he needed to change his life, that he needed to follow his instincts and do what he felt was better, do what he needed to to feel free again, free from his ordinary life, free from his unhappy feelings.

It could’ve sounded cliche outside of his mind, but for Harry there wasn’t a better time to declare his freedom than by the time his 18th birthday came.

Andrew wasn’t happy, of course, acting like the same old cranky man Harry had always known him for, blaming his late wife for encouraging those silly dreams that wouldn’t take Harry anywhere.

Harry had to put a stop to that, finally facing his father with the facts he had refused to see for so long. He finally told him everything he had every wanted – about his ambitions, about his sexuality, how an awful person his father had been with everybody he had always worked with, with his own family, with his own son – and with Louis.

Relief ran through Harry’s body when he told Andrew that right after he finished school, he would be living in Manchester with his grandparents (from his mother’s side) and he hoped his father accepted that and every other decision he would make from then on.

It was scary but exhilarating at the same time, thinking about what his life would be.

He had been done with one thing, but there was also another one he needed to deal with so he could definitely feel like he had left his past fears behind. And he had been set on that thing for a long time.

It was even scarier to go back to Hotline after so long. It was dreading to think that he was going to make a fool of himself again if he found Louis there and put his cards (his real cards, not some ridiculous joke cards Nate had told him _“Louis would be a fool if he’d reject them_ ”, the fucking bastard) on the table once and for all.

He didn’t know what to expect, he didn’t even know if he would see Louis there that night but he desperately hoped so. And he suddenly was almost knocked out of his senses when he finally spotted Louis near the bar, his body moving towards him without him even noticing.

And it was more than he expected, it was more than he had hoped for because Louis was there and Louis liked him, had done so for long enough for Harry to feel stupid about acting like an inexperienced teenager when Louis liked him back.

Louis didn’t want to stay away from Harry. Louis wanted him, wanted to be with him and that was enough. They would make it work together, one way or another.

They did.

 _Because we need each other_  
_We believe in one another_  
_And I know we're going to uncover_  
_What's sleepin' in our soul  
What's sleepin' in our soul_

Although Harry was terrified that he had already applied for universities around Manchester and he was going to leave his life in London behind, Louis assured him that he would support him in whatever he wanted to do.

He already believed Harry would be able to achieve his goals even before they had gotten together, he had told him so during those late nights where they spent chatting away after dinner watching the telly all those months before. He believed in Harry when Harry had showed him his A-level project and the portfolio he had been putting together, saying that Harry had an unique talent.

It reminded Harry of his mother’s words and it soothed him, it made him have confidence that he could do something for himself. He trusted Louis and he believed in Louis too.

Not only in his words, but in Louis himself.

Because after they finally got together, he got to see Louis’ world and Louis’ passion for music, and seeing him helping Steve at his gigs and in his works for his classes at Uni, Harry knew how talented and dedicated Louis was. He could see Louis making his way on the music scene and he couldn’t be any prouder for how well he had been doing with Steve.

Harry was as supportive as Louis was of him, but he couldn’t deny there was something bugging him, of course, now that they had something, now that they were something, about how they would manage to keep what they had. For Harry’s surprise, though, when they started discussing what would happen when Harry moved away, Louis told him he had been considering moving up North too, maybe going back to Doncaster and trying transferring to the University of Sheffield to be closer to his family.

It would’ve been enough though, because Sheffield and Manchester were closer than if Louis had stayed in London, but Harry couldn’t help but suggest that maybe Louis could try Manchester too, if he wanted of course. Only if it was okay, only if Louis didn’t think it was too soon or too much for them to really be together.

_“It isn’t,” Louis beamed at him when he answered. “I was afraid to suggest that, but now, I think it’s the right thing to do,” he kissed Harry’s lips quickly. “Having you right beside me is exactly what I need.”_

It was the same for Harry. He needed Louis. They needed each other and they believed in one another and he could see his future unveiling in front of him, clearer and completely uncovered. He was finally feeling alive, awake, finally excited to live his life, for real this time.

 _There are many things that I would like to know_  
_And there are many places that I wish to go  
But everything's depending on the way the wind may blow_

It was only their luck (and hard work) that the University of Salford had accepted Harry and also accepted Louis’ transfer.

It seemed too good to be true, but it actually was. Life was on their side, taking them in the right direction, the direction they needed to be in each other’s lives.

And planning that life ahead wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy with Andrew still wary of Harry’s decision, with Harry and Louis being together, but they would make do. Harry had someone who truly supported him and he wouldn’t let his father ruin that for him, not anymore.

It was time he flew away, in whatever direction the wind would take him, and Louis would be there to take his hand to make sure everything was okay. And Harry would be there for him too.

 _I don't know what it is that makes me feel alive_  
_I don't know how to wake the things that sleep inside  
I only want to see the light that shines behind your eyes_

And there they were, a few months later, finally settled in their student flat near campus, after weeks of moving things from London to Harry’s grandparent’s house to their little home. It wasn’t the best they could afford, but at least they could call it home.

_“Sweet sweet home,” Louis hugged Harry from behind, enveloping his arms around Harry’s waist and dropping a kiss to his cheek after surveying the work they had done that day, the last moving boxes finally unpacked and things already in place, ready for them to live there in a few weeks when classes would start._

Harry had turned his head just a little to face Louis, seeing the gleam in those blue eyes and yeah, he could call that place their home. They could call any place home, as long as Harry had Louis with him, as long as those blue eyes never stopped shining for him.

 _Because we need each other_  
_We believe in one another_  
_And I know we're going to uncover_  
_What's sleepin' in our soul  
What's sleepin' in our soul_

With Oasis playing while they drove back to his grandparent's in the late afternoon to have a proper meal that night – Harry still looking at Louis by his side, seeing the small smile form on his lips and the way his eyes crinkled, probably sensing that Harry was looking at him, running his thumb over the back of Harry's hand – he knew that he was right where he was supposed to be.

That was all he needed to feel alive, that was all he need to believe they would make it work.

 _What's sleepin' in our soul_  
_What's sleepin' in our soul  
'cause we believe_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome! xx
> 
> [Fic post](http://perfectdagger.tumblr.com/post/165873401578/bright-eyes-amongst-the-many-things-louis-hated-at) :) @[perfectdagger](http://www.perfectdagger.tumblr.com)


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